He's had a lot longer than you to prepare for this emotionally, and he holds all the power right now. I wonder if there is a way you can find some power - it could help you feel more on top of this situation...
Have you ever tried hypnotherapy? I have and it actually helped me a lot!
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17