I am hoping that this process will help me heal as well. I am going to try and tell you what I think I needed to hear when I was the LBS. Not what I wanted to hear, but what I NEEDED to hear. Big difference. Does that makes sense?
So you guys may not like it, but I am all about the tough love. For starters--the most fundamental principle is the hardest to accept. And IMHO that is this--DB is for YOU and YOU are the person that matters most. Your self esteem is crushed right now--you are alone, scared, and desperate--so you are hanging on for dear life. Let go. It will be the hardest thing you are ever going to do. But you can do it. Let them go.
Do not DB so you can win your spouse back. DB for you. Let them go. A strong, happy, confident person (remember who you used to be?) would not let someone treat them this way and try to win them back. Stand up tall, take care of yourself, and don't ever hand anyone your self worth! You cannot nice them back and they will only lose respect for you.
When you begin to find that person you deserve to be, that is when your spouse will notice. You cannot fake this part. Our human intuitions are so much stronger than we realize! Stop reading and rereading into their every move to see if they are noticing. That's pathetic. I'm sorry but it is. I know because I was this way and I shutter to think of the energy I put into that jerk, as he was off with OW right in front of my face.
Have patience. This is a long, long process. But in the end, do you really want to win back this person that you know can treat you like cr-p? No. The only person that deserves you, is one that is willing to do anything to have you. So you go out there and be awesome. Maybe they will eventually notice, but if they don't, you get to be awesome and find someone that does!
It's so simple, it's almost hard to understand.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
