I believe with her out of the M it may just be the wake up that i need to fully let go.
I think youre continuing to misunderstand my point.
The DR book lays out the steps for DBing. The first step is to review your marriage with a beginner's mind. I take that to mean really looking at the marriage from different vantage points. You are very focused on your perception of things..."WW needs to stop trying to taunt me to get a reaction", "WW just started again with blaming me", "In order to play the victim with Dr", "we were throwing too many daggers", "Wow, at least i was not asinine like her!" and so on.
Have you tried looking at your marriage from a bird's eye view? How about from her vantage point? Then how do things look? What kinds of failures and issues can you see in you? in your interactions with her?
Step 2 is about setting goals. Figuring out what you want. Where you want things to go. Your actions and words should be framed as a way of getting toward your goal(s). Before doing something, you need to consider "is this getting me closer to or farther from my goal?" If it's taking you farther, then there is no point in doing it. Thats why I was so against you filing - if you dont have your goals mapped out, how can you determine if such an important decision is making you progress?
I think you are absorbing a lot from this forum. I am nervous, because I see you applying it in a scattershot and emotional way. I continue to implore you to really step back and consider things logically. I believe you will have more impact than in trying to "calm your gut".
