Wife wants to separate at end of school year

[Bhuda1]

It's the morning after my wife and I had a lengthy discussion. I was prepared to be confrontational and difficult but its not who I am. Although things did get tense we were civil.

As the discussion progressed I realized how much I want this to work. I know I really have to let go if I want DBing to work. I am not using the DBing techniques as well as I should.

My wife really opened my eyes to how poor our partnership has been. Our problems stem from lack of communication. Due to this lack of communication, it also showed a lack of respect for each other. When we needed to discuss something such as my debt issues, boys getaways and other poor choices I made, these discussions were avoided in fear of being confrontational on both sides. We never argued or fought, concerns were swept under the rug and that is the main reason we are in this situation.

Every time I thought of how the inevitable separation would affect our boys, my eyes would water, as they are now as I write this. My kids have always come first. I know I have excelled at being a great father. I have failed at being a great husband. I made mistakes that I will use as life lessons and strive to never repeat my errors of the past. I just hope I get the chance to show her I have learned from the past. I need to have another discussion with my DB coach because I am lost right now.

All I have is hope. Is it false hope? Only time will tell. I will focus on being the best DB'er I can. The saying "you never know how good you got it until its gone. That truly applies to me. My wife has been my life. Unfortunately I failed in showing her how much she means to me, by my actions.

I had to bite my tongue on one occasion last night when she said "Kids are resilient and they will get through this as long as they know they have two parents that love them. I know based on the information provided by Michele that this is not necessarily true. I know the best thing for my children are to have two parents together in a marriage. My older son is very much like my wife. He internalizes everything and is somewhat pigheaded. My younger son is very much like me. He is emotional and sensitive.

I am scared of life without my wife and how our future will unfold. Although we are both to blame for our situation, I accept most of the blame. I do know she still cares for me. I just hope she can overcome the resentment she has towards me. I can't change her feelings. I can change me. This is what I can control.

One bright spot is, she finally commented on my physical transformation and asked how much weight I have lost and that I looked good. I thanked her for noticing.

Its been hard not being able to show her any affection but I have succeeded. I have failed at being too nice to her. Still doing little things such as making her coffee in the morning, asking her if she needs anything when I go to the kitchen, run errands. Its my make up to be considerate in this type of thing. Too bad the consideration wasn't applied to more important aspects of a good marriage.

I always thought I was a good husband, that is until she brought to light how my selfish ways of the past really hurt her. I was so irresponsible, selfish and in short down right inconsiderate of her feelings in too many circumstances.

I am ashamed of what I have done.

Our discussion turned to What Next? As much as I know that the present situation as "room Mates" will not work, I do not want her to move out even though she asked if she should look for an apartment. I know its the right thing but I do not want her to leave.I said its her call. I will not kick her out but I will not leave our house.

For others who are in my situation or have overcome this situation, I would appreciate any and all advice.