My Story - the circular nature of causality

[1gr8dad]

Ya, so yesterday it seemed it was destined we see each other as WW needed to drop of Day care forms for me to sign. At least I was ready and composed.

She gave me a hug when she first saw me, I hugged her back but kept it short. She seemed pretty scattered/nervous but we focused on the procedures for signing the daycare papers.

We also came to an agreement that we would sell the matrimonial home. This is both a sad thing for me and a good thing: so we can move on with our lives. Separation is a time of such mixed feelings and emotions.

Off the cuff I causally mentioned she was looking well (I wanted to tell her she was looking good even though she was acting somewhat of mess). She replied that her boss' mother was seriously injured in an accident and that has left her pretty busy at work. I simply told her to convey my sadness to hear of the situation to her boss.

Now it makes sense why I got the hug: it's when her AP/boss is not around for her and she is emotionally needy. This also happened when her boss was away on vacation for a week, I also got a hug and an "I miss you" from her after a child mediation session. Or maybe I'm reading into it to much?

Anyhow I feel Sandi would be proud if she could see the interaction. I was very natural on my part, calm and respectful, to the point and somewhat friendly, and even ended the interaction when I felt she wanted to hang around more but there was nothing material to discuss.

That said, every time I see her in person, while I'm strong in the moment I still crumble inside after seeing her and interacting for non-short periods. I didn't sleep well last night.

I'm fine 99% of the rest of the time, detach, dark, GALing all going strong. It's just interacting with her in person that kills me after.


Does anyone else get this?

It's been two months of physical separation, does it get better as time goes by?