Georgia, Step #1 won't work, she refused it before, and I just found out that OM is "visiting" and my WW met him this morning. God knows what they were doing together. She's been telling everyone that he's not even in the picture.
I am so upset. I need a "nuclear" button to push!
It would work if she did it.
No contact is Step #1 to recovery.
"Dropping Her" is step one to divorce.
You are still stuck in the middle.
Sorry to hear that OM's in town. What an incredibly hurtful thing to learn. You know what they are probably doing. I'd suggest you interfere with his visit and stand up to him but I know that is unlikely. She's probably using your money to pay for him to come visit.
Well...you have a choice now. Did she already move out? You've fought a good fight for about 6 months now so maybe now is the time, you're done and just too devastated to continue and don't care that it might make you slightly to significantly more likely to end up divorced...you just need away from her and the pain. If that's the case - send her an email now or in the next couple days telling her that although you love her and hoped to reconcile it's just too painful for you to continue in a relationship with her while she maintains any contact whatsoever with OM and if she ends it with him (no contact for life) and commits to a recovery program you may be wiling to consider reconciliation at that time; but until then, you no longer want to see or speak to her and all communication regarding the children shall from this day forward go through a neutral third party (her mother, a friend, etc).
There's a chance OM will be a huge disappointment. She hasn't seen him in nearly 30 years. He MAY just end up telling her she needs to figure out her marriage and he regrets his first divorce immensely. I doubt it...but you never know. It's completely impractical that they ever end up together so maybe this visit (once it's over) - combined with you going dark on her....will end up with her 2nd guessing her choices.
Again...don't go dark to manipulate. You do it to protect you and your sanity and to bottle up any remaining hope you have for your marriage until the day she decides to abide by your terms. If you do it...you MUST stand by your decision and not get wishy washy and start spending time again with her next week "co-parenting" the children. If there is any hope in it being effective...it has to be in stark contrast to the loving approach you had been taking and the complete removal of all the need meeting you were doing previously.
It's your life and your call.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
