niryANa

[Dawgs]

Hi Jeep, I try to follow my thought to its logical conclusion and see where it goes. I am leaning against confrontation. I don't see how it benefits me or my children if you think it thru. My kids know I have changed, they've said it. I do not want to drag their mother through the mud either. I think I will behave well and firmly stand up for my rights.

I would explain your position to your FIL and that's it. Maybe show him the proof but that's it. If she has psychological issues, airing her dirty laundry will not achieve your goal. Is it an ego thing? What is your goal and how does this course of action get you there and at what cost?

I have thought about that to no end, mutatio. The thing that concerns me is the fact that they a ill and are trying to influence the kids against me. It's already started in subtle forms. My W told my son that he needs to spend more time with her than me. Her sister has made it known that she wants me out of their lives. Her family is batshit crazy, period. So what do I do? Do I burst their little bubble?

[roist]

What they think should not be your focus. Exposing the A doesn't mean that all of a sudden you are redeemed in their eyes. I'll read your thread and may comment there.

However it appears to me that boundaries are what you need to protect you and your kids.

[mutatio]

Hi jeep, hi roiste, Keep your powder dry Jeep. Don't take any action yet. I too will look at you thread when I get a moment. Keep gathering evidence just don't act yet. You only need to convince the judge in a divorce. I am not sure where you are until I catch up on you situation. All options remain open to you until you begin to take action. Let them bury themselves in lies and destroy their credibility. You will have to take action but until I catch up on your situation it is wrong to make a suggestion. Hang in there, be strong, better days are coming, maybe even in our life time.

Roiste, I am gathering info.

[mutatio]

Jeep forget this advice, I posted on your thread after reading your thread.

[mutatio]

Have you had any urges to drink because of what you are going through?

No Roiste, I have not had any interest in adult beverages. I had my fill. I am still digesting the news, some many thoughts. Peace

[roist]

Thank you for putting my mind at rest.

Take your time and reflect.FFor now it is truly YOUR time. All about YOU.That has to be exciting in a way. I look forward to following your path for as long as you want to share it.

Have a good weekend.

[mutatio]

I will be here for a while. I an not driven to share now because I am on my own timetable. I am on mutatio time. There are so many things to ponder. I must give careful thought to what is important, what I really want and what is seductive but illusory.

Be well and enjoy this day

[mutatio]

Just checking in. I have been digesting the idea of life after marriage and the changes in store for me. It's seemed overwhelming at first but now I think it will be rather straight forward. Emotionally I am working on myself, go to IC and considering the possibilities.

My advice for newbies is focus on yourself. I worked on myself in relation to the marriage. I did not grow in the way I am now. I am glad for the growth but it wasn't directed solely for me. The work I did was good but did not make a lick of difference in saving my marriage.

Bottom line, work on yourself for you. Your spouse fell in love with you when you were yourself. Find and cultivate yourself, be strong

[JujuB]

Must be something in the alignment of the planets as my husband has committed to divorce as well.

In a way, For many of us the only place for our lives to go is up.

I know I am not the same person my husband fell in love with and I have no desire to necessarily be that same exact person again.

What type of man would you like to be mutatio?

[roist]

Thank you for the brief update.

My understanding of the DB process and its affect on the WAS is that the LBS has no idea of the affect it is really having on WAS. It often does not prevent a rupture but lays the foundation for an eventual reconciliation, but until that is what WAS wants, it appears ineffective. The reverse is true for most LBS before bomb drop. They have no idea of the effect they are having on their M.

Anyway I am glad that going forward won't be complicated for you. I am glad you are still working on you.

Best wishes