I am content, that is a blessing.......

[job]

I think your message was very good. Kids are always hungry because they burn up so much energy during the day. I don't understand where your h's head is at when it comes to your son...oops, I sure do know where his head is at these days. LOL!

Any way, the dog house is interesting. Maybe he's trying to make a statement that he's making a real home for his son and his dog. But I do find it crazy since your dog stays inside most of the time unless he's planning to fence him in outside when he goes away for a few hours. Who knows...maybe he's going to live in it.

Say your peace in a calm way and he'll hear you. The less emotion you put forth when speaking to him about issues the better.

Now, breathe and enjoy the rest of your day.

[bttrfly]

Mleigh, wish I was there to detox with you and HaWho ... will miss you this week enjoy your down the xoxoxo

[HaWho]

If only there were some MLC Detox drink out on the market.

Mleigh - I think it's interesting that your h has seemed jealous of your s since birth. And I think many of these MLCers came from such phemonenally dysfunctional homes that they confuse normal child rearing with spoiling.

I too noticed my h became increasingly jealous of the attention my kids received from me. It was all so exhausting. The older and more mature they became the more immature he became.

Recently, I read somewhere that they MLCers don't catch up at pivotal moments. The theory is that they were always behind emotionally to begin with (as we all know). Major life moments happen and they don't rise up/grow up to those moments as others do. So there is this disconnect that just keeps growing.

Ok- I'm raising my morning tea to a toast, Mleigh. Here's to a quick MLC cleanse.

[mleigh4]

Thanks guys. Job, thanks for your approval, I have gotten so much better to not react with anger but to react with calm, short and sweet replies. Hawho, that is some interesting information about your H seeming jealous of the kids too. I agree that my H sees my mothering as spoiling.

So I have been blasted with spew last night and this morning, luckily I still have my spew jacket on hand. He is blowing up my phone. Lots of comments of how I let S have his way, don't make him do anything he doesn't want to do, let him sleep in his clothes, get upset when S gets hungry and call him a bad dad.......all the ways I am being a friend to S, not a parent. I have been compared to my friend, who raised her daughter as a single mom partying and dating and now daughter is a bit depressed.

Luckily I know this is a bunch of crap and not true and it makes me really sad to think he believes this stuff.

My comments to him were short and sweet. Basically I said I am sorry he feels this way, I am trying to understand his feelings, that we both have the same hopes and dreams for S, we just go about it in different ways, that I can't live up to his expectations of me, that I have been there and tried, that I just don't know what to say or do anymore.

More angry spew from H.

I finished with again saying his expectations may be too much for us, that our homes come with our own rules. I said my home, my rules, my business. I said I thought I was left to live my life, that is what I am doing, my way.

More angry spew from H but I am done and the phone is put away and I will no longer respond to him.

[tfish08]

Isn't just baffling how they call us out on being bad parents. Mine says I am helicopter mom always around...well duh he left and my youngest are small and need a stable force around them.
Stay strong and take it for what it is...it is about them not us.
And try not to let it get to you..As a mom i know it hurts to hear the spew about our parenting. I can tell you your S has a great momma.

[HaWho]

Tfish - ding, ding, ding. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! It is all about them and their own issues.

Mleigh, one of my crazy chronic issues is my h thinks the kids aren't "tough" when they stay home sick!!! No joke! Unless they have a fever of 107 degrees he basically thinks the should go. LOL!! Umm, the teachers don't double as nurses and kids should learn to take of their sick bodies. I know exactly where and from whom he learned this mentality. Thanks MIL!!!

This is where we come up against those family of origin issues. Just dust it off. He lacks perspective.

Loving/meeting a kids various needs is not spoiling, it's good parenting. Not meeting these needs is neglect.

[mleigh4]

I think that is what keeps motivating me to get so annoyed about this. Who is H to stand up on a pedestal and judge ME? I realize it's insane, but it doesn't take away the pangs of his remarks.

So much for my MLC break. However I still have time! It will just be shorter. I want to take advantage not only oh H expressing himself to me, which is rare, but my chance to express my thoughts and feelings as well. Cali, I need a stronger STFU smoothie, double shot, because the one I had ain't workin'!

So H has gone on and on, most of it is very repetitive so I scanned through it, but he did suggest I look at the example of 2 couples we know whose kids are grown up and doing very well. One couple has been married for eons. The other had her H pass away 9 years ago (H BF) and now has a wonderful boyfriend. Both girls are very good friends of mine.

I responded and pointed out that they live their lives as a family unit. They compromise, work through things and set house rules together. Where one is weaker, the other is stronger, so they take charge as needed and back each other up. I said I would love that kind of support and back up. I said H, thing is, we don't have that. We live in 2 separate homes and are equally entitled to our own rules and lifestyles. I told H I think this is something he needs to accept now as things are bound to continue changing especially as S gets older. I asked, what are you going to do if and when S and I become part of a blended family and there is another man in his life with different views? I finished, unfortunately this is our reality. Accept our differences, back each other up best we can, agree to disagree and let the little things go. We are both doing our best.

SOMEONE TAKE THIS PHONE AWAY FROM ME!!! I AM INCHES CLOSE TO TELLING HIM TO F OFF FOR GOOD!

He responded saying he knows I badmouth him to S. That he is reading up on how to help S through this and if I am too to please forward the articles that say it's best to let him do what he wants and play mine craft all day. He also said he knows many people who grew up fine with separated parents.

OF COURSE HE DOES! It's all sunshine and rainbows for the kids. Anyway, I have nothing to add and hopefully he doesn't either. It's just turning stupid. Maybe I can now make it to Monday with NC from him.

Hawho, thank you for your tea toast. I will toast my wine to you tonight. Thanks for going through this fun blowup with me. I guess I can't complain, I DID say I wanted to hear what was on his mind

[job]

I think you need to tell him that enough is enough and that he needs to set up an appointment w/the counselor to see h how best to communicate w/his son. After all, he missed the appointment the last time.

You truly are a saint...because I would have been tempted to ash where he got his PhD in child rearing...that surely would have shut him up and then hung up on him.

It's like he goes through cycles w/this child rearing stuff. He resents the connection that you and your son have, hence, he has to make a big issue over nothing because he wants son to feel the way he does, i.e., as a child.

Tell him that he needs to speak to the counselor on child rearing issues and learn how to communicate w/his son.

Now, off you go and enjoy your evening. Sometimes, have to call on them on their BS and to me, this is one of those times.

[mleigh4]

Ok Job, I can't pass up on that.

He TM that his text had a lot of typos, it even said Rebecca instead of back up.

So I replied, um....Ya....and who is Rebecca? Lol I said enough is enough, I am done with any further parenting conversations with you. If you are having difficulties or struggles with S, I suggest setting up counseling. You missed that appt and chance last time. Have a good night H, I will too

Where I know I have grown is the fact these blow ups don't effect my mood anymore. I am upbeat and happy, productive at work, I just keep going and I love that I am in a place to be able to.

Hawho, big cheers to you with my wine!!! Did your H get on his way? I will have to read your thread to get the latest. I am imagining so much peace in your home right now, you so deserve it!

[mleigh4]

Oh Job, I wanted to reply to your comment about these cycles. I thought the same and wonder what sets this off? Since I don't see him much, it's hard to say, but my guess would be an anxiety attack of some sort. What sets that off, I don't know. I too am seeing some sort of pattern here. Could also be backlash from getting upset with him Monday night. He does not do well with any sort of angry emotion directed at him.

Emotions -- bad
Faking all is good -- good

That pretty much sums him up.