14 days of sheer hell continues

[Painter]

I'm confused about something. You said on the previous page that your W said "You want to get a divorce, you do it and whatever is best for you. I'm done with divorce and will stay in my loveless marriage."

On top of this page, you say she 'clearly wants a divorce'.

Could you clarify? Or does she not know what she wants?

Are you both seeing a psychiatrist together for marriage counseling? That's sort of unusual...

Does your W know that you are on this forum? That's not recommended, because you need a place where you can discuss your situation without being concerned with her reading it (although you're never 100% safe from that, of course).

Why does the therapist feel it is counterproductive for you to be on a forum? It sounds like he/she is actually focusing on exactly the same that DB'ing is all about?

Here's what I would suggest you do:

- Make a list of what you feel is wrong in the M, what W feels is wrong in the M, and what *you* can do to change every situation. I'm not suggesting you should completely resolve the situation, but just write down what you can contribute to improve it.

- Make a list of what W has complained about in regards to you and your behavior. Look at the ones you feel may be warranted and write down how you can change your behavior.

- Nothing on this list should be about W. It's all about what you can do, because that's the only thing you can control.

However, I would say that her alcoholism is a huge factor in your problems. It's not a symptom, it's not something she chooses freely to do to deal with stuff, it's an illness and an addiction. Unless that is resolved, you will not have a healthy M. But - you can't fix it for her. Maybe she will choose to never fix it. So instead of letting her addiction drag you under with her, you need to take your son and make sure the two of you don't drown with her. I'm not talking about necessarily physically remove yourself, but make sure that you are both taken care of and don't become secondary victims. I would recommend you go to Al-Anon meetings to learn more about how to do that.

You can choose to be there for her and support her in her recovery efforts, but you have to look out for the health and safety of your son and yourself first.

Does the psychiatrist know about her alcoholism?