I have some new clothes to go with my new image - nothing outrageous, my style is very classic. But I've steered it slightly towards the more youthful (I have a couple of pairs of very skinny, distressed and ripped jeans now in my wardrobe).
I've dyed my hair a deep red (getting loads of compliments about that).
And people are telling me how amazing I look, that I look about 10 years younger than I actually am.
Work prospects are looking quite good. So I'll continue along that path.
Thank you, friends. I'll be back online in a few hours.
So, something I've noticed over the past few weeks...my dreams.
Plenty dreams about my H, and also about being caught up in some sort of very fast, very out of control, heading for a crash, hurtling forwards type thing.
I don't remember having these kinds of dreams in the previous six months.
And I've just checked...it's been six months and a handful of days. I'd lost track.
I find myself drifting further and further away from H. I'm not particularly interested at all in him now. I don't know if I'm even interested in speaking to him, were he to get in touch and suggest meeting up. I think I'd be like 'meh...'no thanks'.
He seems like a stranger, and our M seems like a lifetime ago, like they belonged to another person.
I feel like I've lost a lot of things (blind faith in love, wild hope, in other people) but I'm not quite sure if I've gained anything from all of this. I don't feel upset, or wound up, day to day. I actually feel quite calm now. I maybe feel a little sad, but I don't feel depressed.
I find myself drifting further and further away from H. I'm not particularly interested at all in him now. I don't know if I'm even interested in speaking to him, were he to get in touch and suggest meeting up. I think I'd be like 'meh...'no thanks'.
He seems like a stranger, and our M seems like a lifetime ago, like they belonged to another person.
I feel like I've lost a lot of things (blind faith in love, wild hope, in other people) but I'm not quite sure if I've gained anything from all of this. I don't feel upset, or wound up, day to day. I actually feel quite calm now. I maybe feel a little sad, but I don't feel depressed.
This is all a strange process, for sure.
I'm in the same boat. I feel like I have lost so much, too. I have no faith in anyone anymore. And my trust has been completely and utterly destroyed. Does that ever come back or is it a permanent casualty in all this?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
If it doesn't come back, then maybe it leaves room for other feelings to develop and grow? I'm talking lifelong, rather than over the course of six months or a few years here.
Patience? Compassion for your own suffering and the suffering of others? More focus on self development? A greater sense of self? A better understanding of boundaries? A greater appreciation of the small things in life? The capacity to find joy in little moments in time? A deepening sense of peace and calm?
Who knows what those answers are? I think that those are the questions that we never asked of ourselves and now it gets thrown in our faces. But we need to find those answers, and there's no better time than today!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'm trying to do little things to carry me forward, little everyday tasks that will improve my living space.
Me too. Things are so difficult now
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
