My story job 9140 (4)

[sandi2]

I am copying a post I made to another newcomer. I am short on time at the moment, so I hope you don't mind. The advice goes for you....and anyone who has a wayward spouse.

If you will listen and to take to heart what I am about to suggest, I think it could work in a couple of ways. She thinks you are going to want to reconcile and expects you to be offering to take her out and do things as a family. In other words, she plans to eat large servings of cake. I believe you should completely throw her plans for a loop.

The one thing she doesn't expect is to see you "enjoy" life without her. Every time she sees you, you are in a hurry to get somewhere for unexplained "plans". You never have time for her, anymore! Even when she calls, you don't seem too broken up or lonely. You seem as if you are very contented, living as a single guy. The kids come home talking about the great time they had with daddy and how happy he was. She wonders what is going on. So, she starts asking questions about where he's going, who with, (especially who with). She gets frustrated b/c she doesn't get a clear answer with details (especially details). She tries buttering up, pouting, crying, giving a cold shoulder, and showing her anger........but nothing works. She starts trying to find out from others what you are doing.

Now, this may sound like nothing more than games to you, but I assure you that there is one thing all WW's have in common. Actually there are many things, but my point is that they see themselves as dumping the H. They don't consider he might dump her. They never see him being the one to get over her and adjust so happily to single life. And one thing for certain, she never intended for her position to be replaced!! The one thing that usually never fails to be seen in a woman is when she realizes she is about to lose her H........she won't be ready. And the double whammy is for her to realize SHE put him on the market. It turns everything around for her. She is suddenly very interested and when she sees he isn't particularly interested in getting quickly back with her.......SHE WANTS HIM!

Here is what I want you to understand clearly. I am not telling you to date other women. I am telling you to get your calendar down and pencil in every weekend, holiday, special occasion, and the days in between. Have something planned if it's nothing more than going to the mall, library, park, or for a walk. It is key that you not share it with her. Never tell her a lie or give some fable excuse. Just don't give her the information she's trying to dig out of you.........and she will try. This is called being mysterious, like MWD says in her DR book. It piques the interest in your W. She won't tell you, so that is why I am telling.

Let her wonder what you are doing. The more she is interested in you, the less she is interested in OM. Am I telling you to be deceitful? No, you really do need to GAL, b/c it will do wonders in restoring your confidence and mental attitude. It helps with the depression and loneliness. It helps you to not spend every waking moment thinking about the situation.