On a rethink, if I cannot trust her and force her to want to go with, then I'm definitely not doing it right. The fact is, I do not trust my WW. I will never trust my WW. I cannot be married to someone that I do not trust.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
My boundary is a PA. Its that simple. I cheated on my ex-GF and i swore that I would not do that to anyone again, and that i did not want to go through the same pain that i inflicted on her. I am yet to apologise, but hope to find the courage one day (how does one actually do that?).
I came very close to experiencing that pain, an EA is very similar, but for me, it's not a deal-breaker, but a game-changer!
I need her to want to build trust, otherwise we will be back here - not words, but actions. I can only GAL whilst she's trying to do that.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
"now why don't you cheat and make it so that I never find out"
For some reason that really disturbs me...
Quote:
"You want to get a divorce, you do it and whatever is best for you. I'm done with divorce and will stay in my loveless marriage"
Wow. I hate to say it, but it seems she has made her mind up...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
well, i'm attaching everything to the divorce, including her mothers estate, as there was no will. This will mean that she will leave the marriage with absolutely nothing.
She is deciding to stay for economical reasons, no doubt. I am still plan B. But i need to gain her respect and in time I could be her plan A. So the divorce is on hold, until i lose what little trust i have for her. And it could be anything that makes me doubt her being faithful.
I was also very afraid of that "don't tell me", and other comments, which is why i nipped her behaviour in the bud this morning and telling her that what she's doing is disrespectful - i said that i'm not being jealous or insecure but there are basic things which i won't accept, like flirting with OMs. Should have done that 10 years ago!
Apparently I was rude. Wow, at least i was not asinine like her!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So now the divorce....that you filed for like 2 days ago, that made you feel super liberated, is on hold? No wonder she's upset. You are so up and down/on and off/back and forth.
THIS is why I told you to slow down. To think logically. To set goals. To figure out your path.
Don't take what I'm about to say as insulting, as I'm not trying to be. It feels like you're a three year old that knows words, but can't string them into a sentence correctly. I mean that you have read a ton of the things on here, and you know many key points, but you aren't putting them together into a plan of action in any logical order.
I hope that you can get the book soon and really start to dig deeper.
Her infidelity is not your top issue. The characteristics in you that created the opportunity for her infidelity are your problem. I haven't seen you address a single one of those.
I am addressing me. But if she does cheat, then there's no point in holding on. I can then improve myself without her. So I need her to hold on whilst I get my ducks in a row. I am yet to make goals, but the only one is to ensure that she does not end my M. I want to have that control, for what it's worth.
I can't look at tomorrow, today is not over yet.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
What specifically are you improving about yourself?
Do I read you right that you are trying to take her inheritance in a D?
I see a thread in your posts about control. You mention you have done everything for her and she's been rather helpless (that's a form of control), that you have "let her" drink (illusion of control), and that you "need her to" do this or that (more control), and you're proactively filing for D (to maintain a sense of control?) and wanting to leave her with nothing (controlling her circumstances even after a split). I think this is something you could consider if might have contributed to your current problems.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
