The same way I don't like diagnosing WAS's I don't subscribe to the sour grapes thinking. The loss is what it is, more monumental than anything I can depict. Yes, that stinks, but it is what it is. If you kid yourself about the size of the loss you won't take the right actions to stand for your M.
.
I recognize the monumental loss. I never wanted this for myself or my child. I am the first person in my family (extended included) to be getting divorced and it is not my choice. I hate the pity. I hate the irrationality of it. I hate that I had no awareness. I hate being vilified. But the one thing that stands out is that I have no control. My husband did not want to work on it. or when he did, I just didn't truly listen to him or recognize the signs. i have really been trying the past few years (husband even acknowledged it) but it was too late for husband.
Quote:
Reread my post on power. This "All I was asking" stuff isn't the issue. You can ask. But you can't expect him to behave how you want. And it didn't 'just escalate'. It's how YOU reacted when he didn't do what you asked that escalated things.
You are absolutely right. I was mad, because husband was not doing what I wanted. There would have been no escalation if I had just said ok and kept it to myself. I had been doing a lot of keeping it to myself during the DB process and was growing quite frusturated.
This was a pattern in our relationship. I would ask him for something he would say no. I would criticize and fight would occur. I guess it was a power struggle? I interpreted it as husband being selfish. he interpreted it perhaps as me not meeting his needs? Or really, it is the fact that I have expectations. Which is my issue to deal with.
All I know is, I dread having to communicate wIth husband. I hate needing to ask him for anything. Whenever I do, it escalates like this. It is actually exactly what happened the two times I asked him for child support. me asking husband to keep son extra hours actually is not much of a favor because husband is currently taking him less then he should be.
Quote:
Let me ask one question...what would it mean if it was all you? What if it is your fault? Why would that be the end of the world?
. It would be awful, because it would mean I single handedly hurt someone I loved and committed to. I understand it was not something I intentionally did. But i often feel a lot of guilt. I know that it is never one person.
[/quote] But when it comes to leaving the house, deciding what to do FROM THIS DAY FORWARD, now is when you really decide what you are made of. Can you stick to the road when things get tough? Detach, no expectations, and 180s are critical right now. The more distance you can put between yourself and your expectations and poor behavior, the better you'll feel. Time to regroup and start again. You can do it J. [/quote]
i don't really have an other choice, now do I ? . At this point though, it is more about being able to coparent. Husband does not want to work on marriage and I am accepting that.
Pyrite once said something to me like "open to reconciliation but not waiting". Almost a year later and this is where I am right now. I guess I'm a slow learner. I am moving forward with my life and really just focusing on what I do have right now, which is actually pretty good.
. 