Sounds like your problems are not just sexual. It is wonderful that you recognize the problem, most LD's do not until it is too late. What you and your husband need to do is identify your needs for each other. You also need to eliminate any habits that are problems for the other spouse. THE GOAL IS A GREAT MARRIAGE, NOT GREAT SEX. Great sex is part of a great marriage, but your goal need to be bigger for both of you. You probably need him to communicate, share feelings, and spend quality time with you ALONE. Tell him! Then he needs you to give him sexual fulfillment, and maybe be his recreational companion. So for starters, BOTH of you must make a commitment to ALWAYS work towards a great marriage. Tell him you want to make this journey TOGETHER. It is a journey that you never will finish, their is always more to learn. Great marriages require work to make them go. Both of you should set goals for the marriage, then review them and adjust then when necessary. It's all about making you a "Generous Wife" and making him a "Generous Husband".
As far as the sex goes, relaize that if he is HD, then sex IS HIS LIFE. It literally is part of his soul. It very likely is that Sexual Fulfillment is his #1 need whereas yours might be communication. Sex to a HD man is like communication to a LD wife. If you had a really bad day, you probably would like to sit and talk to him, and all you would want from him is empathy, not solutions. You would want him to listen to you. If he had a bad day, you would probably think, I should sit and listen to his problems. WRONG!! Most likely he would prefer SEX. Men are VISUALLY oriented (SEX) and not VERBALLY oriented(Communication). He would want to ML to you to reaffirm to himself that he is wanted, that the world is still ok, that he is a man, that he is still in control of some part of his life. For a HD man, his #1 goal in life is to have a "Lover". In effect we measure ourselves as men by weather we can please our "Lovers". If we feel we are not "Desired" by our "Lovers", then we have failed at life, we are not the men that we need to be. It shatters our self confidence.
Dr. Laura has it right, "Feed Him, Sex Him, and give him affirmation" and he will work to meet your needs until his heart explodes. You may need to remind him about the meeting your needs part occasionally.
Have your husband read all these books too and maybe point out what he finds most important. Make sure he reads the book for men about what women want and tell him what YOU find most important. Let's face it, neither sex understands the other, so we all have to start learning. The book about "What Men want Women to Know" is the best owners manual I have seen yet for how to maintain a HD guy. You will find that almost everything in the guys life in some way is related to his sexuality. The author really trys to explain how this works to the female reader.
Good Luck. Just the fact you are here puts you ahead of most LD women. Think "GREAT MARRIAGE"!
