More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Ugh. Now I called a lawyer in H's state, and all I could do was leave a message.

I actually said on the message "I'm considering initiating a divorce, but... it's not what I want." This is the worst. I don't want it, but I know I need to do it. I want my old life back, but I know it's gone.

I want my old H to suddenly come back form the undead and re-inhabit his body, complete with moral standards and without the pathological lying capabilities. If wish were horses, beggars would ride...

Such a mes. One minute I tell myself he's a disgusting human being, and the next I'm back to mourning the loss of the person I once knew and all the good he once brought to our life together. He's gone now.