I would agree to go out to eat, but maybe not to the game. It would be odd to me to hang out socially without the opportunity to talk privately first. I'm curious what she's thinking about that.
Of course, H wanted me to go to dinner with an old HS friend and his family after we had set the move-out date for me, and said nothing to anyone about us splitting up - we had a good time but it changed nothing. So who knows what they think!
Don't expect this dinner to be a changing moment. No expectations! If needed, get your jaws wired shut or fill your mouth with caramel so you don't say anything, just listen.
Even if she wants to reconcile, you have a ways to go. I hope for the best for you, but try not to jump to far ahead.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I agree with Painter, you have a couple of expectations forming 'I think it may be over with OW' and 'she may want to talk about reconciling.'
Always best to keep expectations at zero and if she and OW are 'off' allow some time to pass - maybe more as friends - before you agree to give things another go...if she does want to R.
Most likely there is some cycling going on so do protect your heart xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Wire and caramel will be in place, Painter! Now that's a visual I can work with.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I know there is no way you are going to turn down any of these invitations just from your past experiences. Honestly I'm not sure I would either, but you need to not say a word about your thoughts on a relationship or what would have to be done to reconcile. Your solid answer should be are you done with OW? When was the last time you had contact? If she can not say she is done and has been then you need to tell her that is going to have to had happen before you can even think about anything as you have been drug down that road before and now you are living your life for you and not for what was.
Yes this will be hard. But do not fall down those same roads as before. Go meet. Have a good time. Really. Be fun. Maybe even tell her honestly that you don't want to talk about R at all.
I know you said you have no expectations then you wrote you think they are done and she wants to reconcile.
Let that go
Best of luck.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Since she's been back she has called me at least three times (finally reached me the third time.) Each time was to make sure I'm still interested in seeing her on Thursday. This is encouraging because while she has wanted to talk to me since February, this time she has not backed away. Yet.
It's impossible for me not to have expectations. If she's still involved with ow I will be very disappointed. But the fact that we are going out to 2 public places (an event here at work and then dinner)says something.
So, I'm re-reading Sandi's rules, re-reading my book on the lost art of listening, and trying to visualize a productive, fun, not too serious evening on Thursday. Baby steps. I don't want to scare the squirrel back up the tree. I'm not going to ask about ow at all. I'll mostly listen and validate. And I'll be sweating and anxious!!!
A lot of folks on here are cautioning me to back off or not go at all. I don't think that's the right thing for me at this juncture. W wants to talk; I think it's time we do.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I think that's fine NYG and I do think having no expectations is important.
Also, please consider your own boundaries here. How long do things need to be 'over' with OW for you to be interested in possible R? Your W was just away with OW, so I would presume not yet as you know she may cycle back to OW.
Do remember that you are truly the prize here and if your W wants you to consider a possible R, she needs to do some serious work here.
So, cool and steady, sit back, listen and let her know you'll need to think about things....
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I wish you the very best of luck. I hope she wants to talk about reconciliation. I can just imagine the huge flock of butterflies you must have in your stomach.
From your previous interactions with her, I suspect your challenge will be to not suggest the next step. I'm an impatient and strong person, so I can understand the urge to say 'So - when do I move back in?' or 'So should we (xyz)?'
The squirrel may come towards you, but if you get up from your crouched position and take a step towards it, it will fly right back up the tree...
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
