More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Thank you SadHub. It certainly was information I could have happily lived without finding, but if it gets me to the place I need to be to protect myself and take care of my own future, then I guess it was the kick in the butt that I needed.

It just sux.

Strangely , I'm not feeling as upset as I thought I might right now, though I could burst into tears if I think about any of it too closely. Maybe it's just the level of disgust I am feeling with H now, and the feeling that there is so much less uncertainty. I can't sit by and watch my security disappear, so I need to move forward, even if it's not what I wanted. My old H is gone and I don't recognize this new person, and I really don't want to. I don't share any of the values he is exhibiting, and again, I don't want to. I used to think that he was the best person I knew, and now I don't see anything to admire in him.

I just talked to another lawyer, and scheduled another appointment for Monday. He advised me not to choose anyone based on how quickly they can get me in. Probably good advice. He also advised me that I really need to call a lawyer in H's state because it may be a struggle to prove my residency here. So complicated and such an unwelcome development.