More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Sadly, so can I, and I am not a bitter person. I have given H every benefit of the doubt, telling myself and everyone else that he was lost, not himself, etc. I was patient, I was kind, and in turn I was payed back with further deceit and pain and seeds of mistrust.

I wanted to be the lighthouse, and I have put my light out there, standing tall and bright and doing my best to hold it together, but he can't see anything besides himself right now, and maybe he never will. I apologized for things I thought might have been the problem,things I might have done, I praised him for coming home to the funeral and facing everyone, I owned my share of our relationship issues, but none of it was good enough to even earn a modicum of respect in return.

What chance did faithful, steady me have against Miss Shiny Bright, and the glittery excitement of clubbing and dancing and travel to exotic locations? Of the lure of life as a single man reliving his lost youth? Honestly, I look at what he's done and what he values now and only one word comes to mind: pathetic.