The retreat sounds great, you should find some support there.
I think you're wise to drop the rope, you can't help him if he won't get help. If he'll go to the VA therapist with you, fine. Be sure to mention you believe he has PTSD and you're concerned about guns with the kids. Start the ball rolling on seeing a divorce attorney and protecting yourself financially. A good divorce attorney will also help you if there is any legal recourse re: your husband and the kids.
