I think it's like the interaction keeps touching emotional bruises. Both parties are so sensitized to the habitual communication problems that we overreact to the other. Everything is blown out of proportion and becomes about unmet needs, 'proof' that there's no love, etc.
This comment is spot on. I have felt like husband prioritized work and chores and mom over family for a very long time and his response touched a nerve. My reaction to this feeling did like wise to husband...who hated my reactions and complaints.
I do feel like this argument was monumental to my situation because it is just a pattern that comes up and comes up and comes up. Husband has now committed to divorce and wants to discuss the how's and when's.
I did a lot of soul searching these past few days. Right now I just feel a bit numb to be honest. I am aware that we both feel our needs went unmet and unheard. I am aware that just as much as I feel he hurt me, he feels the same way about me. I am aware that he does not feel there is anyway to work on it and I really get it. So I am letting it go. Blaming him is not helping me.
I realize that at this point all I can really do is learn how to make coparenting go as smoothly as possible and come to as amicable agreement for all of our sakes. Especially for son. It won't help anyone if we are doing things out of spite. I have to be compassionate but without being a pushover and allowing myself to get taken advantage of financially. I am not sure what is fair and what is not. So will be posting a lot in future.
I am sad and humiliated. I feel like I failed my son. I am not looking forward to the confrontation that will occur with mediation/ litigation. I just want it to be quick. We have been physically separated for almost a year. Prior to that we lived in separate sections of my parents house for almost a year.
I feel like Despite my angry outbursts deep down, I was really living in denial and living with false hope for a while. When I first signed on, Zelda once to,d me something like only very small percent of people on these boards actually save their marriages, but many of them do save themselves.
I am happy for all of the self reflection I would never have done otherwise.
