Yes in fact I would take it a step further...after she is all set and allowed to stay in the country...I would make sure it's YOU that says something like this to her... "Okay now that you're all set I want to make it clear that this doesn't mean we are back together. I did this because I care for you but it is clear to me at this point that we should lead separate lives."
Basically you want to make it sound like you are fine with, and actually in agreement with, not having a true husband/wife relationship. Using your own choice of words of course. This throws the WAW for a loop. It did with mine. Once I supported her decision to divorce and acted like I agreed with it...I found out months later from WAW that this pissed her off. Almost as if I stripped her of power by agreeing with her. Again, it might not help you get back to where you truly want to be but if makes you appear strong to her and no matter what happens it helps you move on because you'd have to accept the split anyway...so it's a win/win for you whether it "works" or not.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I appreciate the hard truths that are spoken. Trust me these are the same thoughts I have been having after she asked me. This is a difficult choice to make she hasn't brought it back up so I don't know if or when she will. I am going to continue to GAL and put some serious thought into how I move forward.
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
I feel like I could, alongside my GAL and DBing, I could say I will sign all the papers but I would like to revise our post-nuptial agreement. I could have it written where I would have some benefits if a divorce comes in play which it seems is still the idea. Or I could somehow write in that a condition of signing the renewal papers would be some sort of counseling where she would talk to someone with or without me and see how that goes. I feel this could either be a great idea or a really bad idea. I understand I cannot force her to go to counseling and if I tried it would be a way that I am controlling her, however I do feel she would benefit speaking to someone else other than her peers as I know for a fact that most if not all of the friends she has her age are definitely not mature nor do they understand the idea of marriage.
I do know this post makes me seem like I may be back pedaling, and it's possible I have slightly, but I am getting myself back on track and am heading forward. I have seen myself do a few things recently that show me as weak and I have realized it. Now I am going to force myself even more to pursue the future of ME. But regardless I do feel if I enter into a renewal I should revise the post-nuptial just to protect myself if nothing else.
I really hate this whole f***ing thing. My head was one straight before and now it spins without me having a say!
First date 12/24/13 M 3/12/14 BD 2/8/16 Working on it alone since 2/8/16 Doing things wrong 2/8/16 Doing things different 3/12/16
Your last sentence is the problem... you DO have a say in what you allow in your head. That last sentence essentially said to me that WAW still has power over you. This is precisely what I am trying to say here...you need to refocus your "head" on you. Act indifferent about the divorce...and do things and THINK about things for yourself. Then the spinning head she's inducing will be gone.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
