Aftermath

[TimR]

Previous thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2662715#Post2662715

[Natus]

Read your previous thread. I find it inspiring, letting me know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Im just starting my journey with BD a month ago but this gives me hope that even if M doesnt work out in the end.

[TimR]

So my current conundrum??? S13 wrestles in huge tournament this weekend. For some reason (I think he is pushing back from her trying to pull him away from me) he decided he thinks it should just be a guys weekend. He told WW that he just wants it to be me and him to go and for her to stay home. Of course, he says this right after he heard me tell her, "I think you should just take Friday off since it is a 6 hour drive to get there."

Yesterday, she contacted me about it and I then called her to discuss it. I told her it is unusual that she is not there. I can only remember 3 maybe for 4 tournaments she ever missed and that was to be at S16's basketball games (we always split the boys so at least one of us were at any of their activities). And her missing was at the very beginning of S13 wrestling. I told her she should talk to him about it.

Later that night, she texts me saying she spoke to him and he stood firm that he just wants it a guys weekend. I know that hurts her because despite all her b1tching and complaining about these things, she truly loves to be there. So I feel bad for her. I said I would talk to him and she said no I don't want to force him and she is ok although it hurts. Eventually, I said "maybe you should just go."

I said that and at the same time am ecstatic myself that she is not going. Sharing a hotel room with an ex would not be fun and would be a very uncomfortable situation. We could each sit on separate beds while texting our new partners, lol.

Yet... and this is the rub.... someone I know it is going to get turned around that I put him up to this. ugh, I just know it. Not that I care if she is mad at me, but what games she might start playing with him again. It is a no win, but I think I covered my bases by telling her maybe she should come and not worry about what S13 says...

Any thoughts??

[GWH]

Tim,


I say let her think what she wants. You guys have a great time out there. If S13 does not want her there then she shouldn't be there.

[1313]

Tim, with GWH on this one. This is a boys weekend. You can let S13 send oodles of pics (make sure he's got his charger this time!) and text her if he wants to so she still feels a part.

[TimR]

Thanks guys! I am not so worried about what she thinks but worried more about what she will do, i.e. withholding S13 or threatening to again. Although so far her the tone of her texts has been more sad than angry.

1313 yes I will make sure he has his phone charger and quite honestly I will send her pics too. While I am more than done with WW, I cannot help but feel bad for. Not just about this but how I see her life playing out in general. Definitely not my problem anymore but I can sympathize. I see how my mother's foolish decisions have destroyed her life and I feel my WW is going to be in the exact same position. Again not my problem but I can still sympathize as a human.

BTW, things are going great with jogging buddy and I feel we have something growing.

[TimR]

So today I filed. Text WW if she would like me to drop off the papers or whether I should just mail them. She told me to drop them off. Funny that I thought it would feel liberating.... It didn't. Rather I feel a bit low about it. IDK why? I just kinda feel like I am now announcing publicly a personal failure. Odd to feel that way I know but I do.

[Painter]

Hi Tim,

I think it's perfectly natural to feel low when you've filed for D. It would be odd if you didn't.

From your signature, I see that your W moved out 2 months ago - that's not a very long time! This has all gone very quickly, hasn't it?

I would be careful starting someting new this soon - make sure it's not primarily to make yourself feel better...

[TimR]

So you would think things would calm down and be good. No fights for awhile, I filed today, she didn't even yell or blame me for S13 asking her not to go to Ohio with us. Sounds fine and dandy. NOPE, I guess since she can't f-up my life anymore now she wants to f-up S13's life.

After taking him to practice and then home, at about 10 I get a text from him saying his real dad is coming to his house. This is the same Megan's Law registered sex offender and voluntary manslaughter guy he has not seen in over 7 years. Also the same guy she claimed beat and raped her. If that is what she wants in her life that is fine by me, but there is no way he should be in S13's life whatsoever.

Amazing how you can go from loving someone, to being angry with them, to feeling pity for them, to indifference, now to loathing. I am still not going to come down from the high road but I will do whatever it takes to protect S13.

[1313]

Tim,
I'm sorry but I'm glad you've reached a point where you feel like moving ahead. I'm really sorry about your WW, but as a lawyer yourself, you're probably more aware as to what or what cannot be done to keep this guy away from your S's in your state.

This is awful. It's so sad that it sounds like your WW has some self-destructive tendencies that could affect the boys in some way. Best of luck buddy. I'm glad they've got you in their lives.