I am now at a very funny stage in life. I have accepted the finality of the D, and my status (stigma) as a divorced single mother of one.

Where I am, the stigma is so entrenched that my employers would rather have me keep the salutation of mdm and not use ms. In a way, I feel victimised all over again by this stigmatisation. I feel like I have to lie about my status and it makes me angry because I am not the one at fault and yet now I have to bear the scarlet letter of D on my forehead for the rest of my life?

And while I have no lack of interested guys from my online profile, I am very aware of the fact that most, if not all, will have their reservations once they know that I am a single mother of one. Yes, even the divorced men prefer women who have never been married before or who do not have kids.

And I know that there is a very high chance that I will remain single for the rest of my life.

Whenever I think of all this, I do get bitter and angry at the ex. He has saved the POS TP from the fate that I am suffering now, and yet he doesn't see the irony of it.

How do I counter against missing the ex? I think of his violent outbursts. I think of all the times when he had left kid and me to our own devices, of all the times he disappeared into the background instead of helping us. I think of how it is that while I was begging him to talk to me, he was happily interacting with the POS, complaining to her about me.

I think of a man who has always thought the worst of me, even during happier times. I don't know if he is capable of ever loving anyone else more than himself. Perhaps TP really is perfect for him. Because morals really isn't an issue for him. He just wants someone who can butter him up and offer him a fairytale.

I am too human and make him work too hard. If I am not enough for him, then I guess we really shouldn't be together.

I look at my married friends and see them encountering similar problems that we had encountered in the M. These problems are not unique to us. He just has a very skewed view of life and M thanks to the TP.

I was browsing another website when I came across the article that states that when considering M, one should look for the quality of being able to suffer well. Ah, hindsight again.

Now I can see that the reason why we managed to reconcile after his first outburst was because he had no other options. He had no friends as he was working then for his father. Once he switched to our common profession, he realised that he had options and I am no longer an attractive alternative.

I had always told the xh that I have always been just a girl standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

But now I am the girl, standing in front of a mirror, learning to love herself the way no one has ever loved her.

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.