Thank you zues, painter, Texas hubby and JKSD for your very insightful posts. I have been reading and rereading now that I am in a much better place. I Still Need to think over some more before responding. To be honest, I am not sure what I am feeling.
I was really emotional a few days ago. Went on a road trip and literally cried the entire drive there. Presently, I am feeling a bit more at peace and to be honest, somewhat numb.
It seems like the limbo period is nearing an end and I don't know what to think.
My husband is right. We did not have a good marriage. Neither of our needs were being met. Neither of us knew anything about relationships. We married because we were together for so long it was time and neither of us had a reason to really break things off. When I "score keep" I have so many justifications to just move forward. But the truth is, I was very unhappy. We had nothing in common. We did not have intimate conversations. We did everything separatly. We did not function as a team because we never really were one. (I am not villifying, I am saying how are relationship actually was)
I cannot even envision a happy marriage with my husband. We are unlike a lot of the couples here because we never had that intimate relationship to remember and return to. After our wedding was over, we had an after party with friends at the hotel. I remember hanging out in hot tub with my best friend while he was hanging out with his friends that traveled a long way to come. We didn't even sleep together on our wedding night.
But the truth is, if husband wanted to work on the marriage I still would and I really don't know why. I think maybe in actuality it's because he has more strength to actually be able to let go?
