Hi Annab74, Wow, thanks for taking the time to write this message to me! I can't even imagine how much more difficult this would be if there was an ea or pa in the stew as well! So are you back together now after this 2 year separation? How did you get over the pa? Do you still want him back? How long did it take you to get in the 'acceptance' phase?
Thankfully I am not panicking anymore... was for first week and thankfully there was no pursuing behavior at all on my part. I instinctively knew to do NOTHING and talk to NO ONE... yeah me! (plus since he knows me very well, he blocked my texts and calls, a frickin' blessing as it just took that off the table for me as an option, one less thing to think about0.
I think what we have here is a combination of us triggering each other after a long period of stress in our lives - I'm underemployed, his job is stressful etc. combined with perhaps a couple shots of a potent mlc potion. We were not even close to the 'miserable' level of daily life - still a lot of good things going on - worst habit on my part is avoiding conflict and then the stress builds up etc. and his resentment of earning more than me. These are solvable issues with the right skills. Now i just have to 'wait' him out! HE has no idea how I am armed with all this info from this site, plus other inspirational stuff I'm watching and talking w a DB coach etc. He has no idea what he's up against! HE is super smart person but tends to live in his head a lot - so right now he is THINKING I am the problem he must get rid of...and is not in his heart- so I am not taking what he says seriously, not today anyway!
My loving patience and not freaking out will save the day! I adore my husband and know he loves me...he's not thinking clearly about the fact that love is a daily choice with daily actions and then loving feelings follow. duh. He's definitely in a 'freaking out' phase as he thinks he'll have to spend the rest of his life with someone who is going to stress him out.
In the meantime - I'm going to get a better job and work on being the best me I can be...which has been sorely missing of late. Codependency behaviors are a B+++h. So appreciate your message and would love to hear how you are doing!
