Way Too Late Pt 3

[Phoebe]

Well, for what it's worth, 1313. I think you should go for it with your letter. What do you have to lose?

Above all, if it makes you feel better inside, then that is what truly matters. If it is part of your own healing process, then put it out there.

[1313]

Phoebe,
thanks. That's pretty much it - to give me a sense of closure. If somehow it reaches the person I used to know, great. If not, fine. Who knows, it could go straight into the trash, unopened.

[Phoebe]

I hope that doesn't happen, 1313, but, either way, this letter is for your process, not hers. Sending good thoughts your way.

[1313]

Phoebe, thanks - same to you!

[Painter]

Hi there - although I understand the urge, I would not send anything until after you are done in court. You don't want to hand her something she can use against you.

[CWOL]

Hi there - although I understand the urge, I would not send anything until after you are done in court. You don't want to hand her something she can use against you.

That's a very good point, Painter. 1313, as much as I would like to send a letter just like that, it will just reflect weakness on us Betrayed Spouses. The letter serves not to validate the WW's thoughts but your own. I would suggest writing it then burning it.

[1313]

Hi Painter, CWOL.
First, there's no concern about anything incriminating or that could be used in court. CA is a no-fault state, unless she could prove physical or mental abuse or something like that. No, this is basically an I'm sorry it had to happen this way, some validation to her "feelings" (none of which can be used legally), and goodbye.

I'm still sitting on it, but after reflecting for a couple of days, I've not yet found a compelling reason not to send it. But it's still sitting there in a blank envelope for the moment.

[TimR]

1313, it may help with closure and the ability to get certain things off your chest. However, if you do it, do not have any expectations... that she will even read it or that she will rationally consider anything you say or that she won't turn it around on you. It is a hard one buddy. There was a time (and maybe there will be in the future too) where I would have liked to have the same closure. Now I gotta say it is not that important to me. Who knows what the future holds, right? I wish you the very best buddy, hold you head up and keep pushing forward!

[1313]

Tim,
yeah - I've been starting to wonder myself. The more I go back over what I've seen - the more I know she's not in her right mind. I guess even with all we know - it's impossible to think of the sort of hate they've worked up, which I just don't have.

While there really is nothing in this letter she could use, I still wouldn't put it past her to use against me however she seems to see fit in her current state.

When she moved out at the 12 year point of our marriage, I could have cared less. But after 35 years together, it's just rough to see somebody like that harbor such fabricated resentment.

Anyway, the letter sits - and it may stay there until I see what happens at the court date next week.

[Phoebe]

Just checking in 1313. I hope that things are going OK for you.