LandC...when they tell you to believe none of what they say...listen! I too have been separated from my H for almost two years. We were struggling to overcome his PA prior to him leaving, and I know he (at minimum) was involved in an EA (different person) after moving out. During the time he was involved in his EA, he was staunchly convinced he was done with our M, and told me over and over how he did not love me as a W, would NEVER be able to love me as his W again, and that it didn't matter what changes I made or how good I was, that I simply could not ever meet his needs because he did not want me as a person. Period. Really, he could not have been any more negative. He filed for D and pursued it with the fury of a caged animal trying to escape. Fast forward a bit...I stopped fighting for him, accepted that I was getting a D and started moving on with my life. What do you know...as soon as I backed off, things started to change. He ended up pulling the D papers, stressing out about who I was talking to or hanging out with, and trying to convince me that there was hope for our M after all.
The bottom line is, they take what they feel in the moment and convince themselves it's real when it isn't. It isn't that he is lying or trying to be untruthful, but people get caught up in their emotions and think just because they feel a certain way one moment, it's always going to be that way. But feelings are situational and transient. When the situation changes, so do the feelings. That's why you have to take everything he says with a grain of salt and try not to panic or let it make you react on emotion. Reacting on emotion makes you do crazy things that can cause further unnecessary damage. All of us here have slightly different stories, but after you read a few, you will be surprised at how similar the patterns are as they play out. You are still in early days and time is your friend. The best thing you can do is 1) don't panic, 2) work on detaching, and 3) leave him alone to figure things out for himself. In all likelihood, he will be back at some point and will want to talk and figure things out.
