Feeling lost

[Accuray]

Others may disagree but I think it's best for your daughter if gifts come from both of you versus separate gifts from mom and dad.

Regarding inviting her to do stuff with you and the kids, it really depends what you can handle. Doing things as a family is good for the kids *provided* you two are interacting in a healthy way during the time you're together and the kids aren't picking up on stress and angst.

Therefore, the question to you is "can you handle that with NO expectations that it will lead to anything you want?"

This is where a lot of people kid themselves. They really really want to do things with their ex, and they want it to be okay from a DB perspective, so they do it and then have high expectations for the positive impact it's going to have.

Then, it either doesn't make the situation better, or it backfires because the WAS makes some nasty comments, and its a devastating setback and then triggers all kinds of pursuit behavior and/or other panic, followed by withdrawal and brooding.

Right now you want things from your ex that she doesn't want to give you. That's a toxic situation for you given how badly you want them. Can you handle that toxic situation? Can you walk into it knowing it's not going to change anything the next day and still be okay with that?

Will you be able to wake up the next day feeling no worse than you do no?

If so then invite away! If not, then give yourself more time to heal and process. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and there is no magic number of months that's going to change anything. It's all about how you're doing and what you can handle.

Acc