In number 32. Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
You mention they are scared, I'm sure every individual is different but what are they scared of. Is there a fear of loosing the M when they say things like they are so suffocated, contolled, empty, numb etc?
The better word should probably be "uncertain", however, for women the uncertainty can cause fear.
When you ask if she fears loosing the M, I don't believe it is with the same viewpoint that you may see the M. She wants the same advantages and security that she had in the M. Stepping away from those advantages and security is "scary" on one hand........but then she looks at the negative side. Those negative issues are usually tied to her emotions. Before she makes a decision to walk away, she is debating the negative emotions vs the security the M offers. And of course, being wayward.....she wants the best of both worlds. However, her selfish needs and emotions usually wins the decision.
When reading other stories, you can see how the majority of WW's want to maintain connection. She doesn't want to give up some of those things that came with being M to her H.
Whenever you have a WW, do not be fooled into thinking she is concerned about how her decisions will affect her H or the children. When I read this from a young newcomer, I know this is what he wants to believe about his WW, however, I never remember such a case. It is always what's best for her. That is how her pattern as long as she is deep into waywardness.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
