Thank you V, and yes Sandi is a godsend and I value her advice highly.
I know he is not the problem, it's my WW's heart but I just don't get how that becomes a more attractive proposition than her young family. That she trusts someone in her life for a little over 1 year than the husband in her life for over 10. I don't know exactly what her is to her right now, part of me has the impression that she got this attraction to him before finding out his extra preferences because when I confronted her at his place the first time, he was trying to say it wasn't him. Sometimes I wonder if she snowballed something that she is not humble enough to turn around. I know that it doesn't change my direction as her heart, her thoughts are the big problem.
I do recognize my own areas of fault and I got too tired and impatient with the family during this house building process and lost who I was over the years of always trying to be what she wanted. I know I need to take this time to recover myself, find my way again and work out what I want.
Thanks again for saying you are liking the way I am handling it as, for sure, some days I don't always feel it.
There are things she said where I feel she expected that we would still be doing things all together. Like we had said our S7 could watch Star Wars when he was 7 so in January when he asked about it, she said we would all watch it together. I didn't say anything at time but knew that wasn't going to happen. She has no tv so S and I watched it last night. I do think she wants and expects us to be friends from the moment this happened.
Anyway, gotta keep moving forward and stop trying to analyze what she did and said before. But like I said before she looked terrible yesterday for someone that is supposed to be all excited about her new life. S has mentioned to me that she has completed 3 jigsaw puzzles since moving out. She doesn't appear to be living the wild single life but who knows, she doesn't post anything on her FB, hasn't changed her marital status. Again for someone that is living the life she wants there is no outward sign of it but hey ho.
My WW has actually not gone anywhere or done anything since her trip to the other city. Insanely, I'm the one with a life now. Going out, seeing old friends, enjoying life and my time with our S4.
She doesn't actually have any support structure which clearly works in my favour.
I can see that she's missing me but I disregard it totally. She says that she'll not contact OP if he comes down, but will meet up if he contacts her. That's so sweet of her and a great way to build trust. Lol
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I can see that she's missing me but I disregard it totally. She says that she'll not contact OP if he comes down, but will meet up if he contacts her. That's so sweet of her and a great way to build trust. Lol
Typical crazy nonsense spewed by WW.
BTW, you should update the last entry in your sig: ----------------------- ILYBINILWY 26/02/16 (never moved out) 2nd ILYBINILWY 28/03/16 (never moved out) Counselling started 12/04/16 Think she's out of fog 14/04/16
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I know V, this is something I need to remember. I also try to remember the first part of your signature. That if she feels like that is better than me and the family, that we are worth more than that.
I had my D3 telling me last night that she wants to stay with me always, that she wants to play with me but also with me and mummy together. These are the moments that pull on my heart strings the most.
Yes, I do plan on watching the rest of them with him. Not sure what will be the ones after but will find something. Figured every Sat night I have the kids, he can stay up and watch them with me. Also taking the kids to Bahrain in less than a month, I can't imagine that WW will not find that difficult as this will be such an experience for the kids.
In number 32. Do not believe anything they say and 50% of what they do. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared.
You mention they are scared, I'm sure every individual is different but what are they scared of. Is there a fear of loosing the M when they say things like they are so suffocated, contolled, empty, numb etc?
The better word should probably be "uncertain", however, for women the uncertainty can cause fear.
When you ask if she fears loosing the M, I don't believe it is with the same viewpoint that you may see the M. She wants the same advantages and security that she had in the M. Stepping away from those advantages and security is "scary" on one hand........but then she looks at the negative side. Those negative issues are usually tied to her emotions. Before she makes a decision to walk away, she is debating the negative emotions vs the security the M offers. And of course, being wayward.....she wants the best of both worlds. However, her selfish needs and emotions usually wins the decision.
When reading other stories, you can see how the majority of WW's want to maintain connection. She doesn't want to give up some of those things that came with being M to her H.
Whenever you have a WW, do not be fooled into thinking she is concerned about how her decisions will affect her H or the children. When I read this from a young newcomer, I know this is what he wants to believe about his WW, however, I never remember such a case. It is always what's best for her. That is how her pattern as long as she is deep into waywardness.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
