My first post - please be nice.

[collin]

man...these days tick by so quickly. hard to believe that it's been since last saturday when i posted last. but....things are hectic. i really don't know if things are getting better or worst. i'll just say what i know:

she is leasing a town home, her lease starts may 1. she said she contacted the leasing dept and told them the situation, that her and i are taking time apart and she doesn't want to get into anything long term because there is a chance of reconciling.

last weekend one of our dogs died. that night we sat on the couch and i held her and tried to comfort her. before bed she asked me if i would sleep in the bed with her and hold her. i did (nothing happened). a couple more times in the past week she asked me to sleep in the bed with her. still, nothing happened sexually.

the search history on her computer shows up on my phone. it's not because i am spying. her computer is chromebook and my phone is an android, so they are linked under the same username. anyways, this morning i saw she had been looking at daybeds. she asked me if i wanted to go with her to big lots after church. i told her i have no desire to go with you looking at furniture for your apartment. a few minutes later she texted me this:

"i really wish that you were selfless enough to put me ahead of you for once. i've been trying really hard to open myself back up to you so that we can start repairing us. we have a long road of work ahead of us and me having some space to make sure this is what's right is a part of that. i'm sorry you aren't supportive of that but you also made it this way. so for once put my needs first or things will never be resolved."

it's like a good news/bad news text. i admit she really has been opening herself back up to me. but i just really don't get her being upset with me that i didn't want to go looking at amenities for her town home with her. i love her but sometimes she just makes me want to bang my head against the wall.

i am going to try to go to counseling this week. she still is willing to go to counseling once she gets moved in to her town home. i guess in the mean time i'll go to marriage counseling myself. anyone ever done that? what did you talk about with your counselor?

aside from that. do ya'll have any input on my current situation and how i should maneuver during this time? any help is greatly appreciated.