Hi Job! Really happy to see you back, you were very missed. I hope your time away was for something fun and relaxing.
H came over yesterday to pick up S. No awkwardness after our conversations which was nice. I skipped over happily and handed him a cord he ordered me to hook up the surround sound to my new streaming device. He got that all set up, then went out to check my tires again and assured me that I did not need to run out and get new tires like I planned on doing, that I could wait until end of summer. That gives me time to save up more money. Then he noticed my window sprayer was broke on the back of my truck and went to work to fix it. Pieces are somehow missing so he rigged it with some rubbery stuff he had stashed away in the garage. He told me to test it, I squirt the window spray and it was shooting straight back behind me. We laughed so hard about the fun I could have with that! But he went back to fix it and I got one "accidental" squirt onto him Hee Hee
When we went back in the house, S was laid out on the couch, said his left side hurt really bad. It escalated to a point where he was crying about having to leave with H, a rare thing at his age. H asked me if I had plans, if he could stay home with me. Well, H heard me take a call and make dinner plans, but of course S comes first, so I said of course S can stay here. H at first asked if he could switch days to the next, then retracted and asked if instead he could just come hang out Sunday instead. Interesting.....he is taking me up on my offer. He looked sad when he left, I offered dog and his face lit up, told him to check with S, his dog. I am way too nice, but that's me.
One thing to point out. When S started crying, I thought for sure H was going to get upset, tell him to stop as I have seen him, his dad and mom do in the past. They encourage not showing those kind of emotions, They are the types to believe boys don't cry. But instead, H got S, held him and rubbed his back asking what was wrong. I stayed back and let H handle it, and was very impressed. He was very nurturing and caring, handled it the way I would have.
So I ended up staying home. I was bummed about missing a dinner out with friends, I need some adult time, but I made the best of it and gave S my TLC. It took a few hours, but he finally started feeling better later at night and woke up fine this morning. Growing pains? Dehydration? Gas? Could have been any one.
Overall, still feeling glad I initiated the conversations we had. I just ordered the book by Jim Conway, Men in Midlife Crisis. Somehow I never read it and it keeps coming up as a good read. I think a reminder of H state of mind would be good for me. The depression book I am reading is good, but the examples are some pretty extreme forms of abuse! I enjoy learning this stuff though, not just for my sitch, but to understand people in general a bit more. It brings compassion out of me.
I noticed yesterday I had the urge to invite H to concert, had the urge to invite H to beach house in July, had urge to hug him thank you for all he did....wtf? I didn't but it amazes me I still can feel these things here and there towards him.
So Job, I thought of what you said, and I think I have been living life with the new me. I have made my home into what I want it to be, I plan trips and vacations, I walk and do yoga on a regular basis, I plan outings with friends or enjoy my nights in....are you seeing somewhere I am holding myself back? Or are you just encouraging me to think outside the box?
Hee Hee