The good and the bad. First the bad. I'm hurting right now. The place I'm sure many of you have been or are right now. The place where your legs shake, you feel nauseous, you could puke at any minute, your chest is tight, your heart aches, a feeling of desperation overcomes you and you feel a complete loss of control. But, you've got to keep a smile on your face and not let your W or kids know that you are about to fall apart.
Why do I feel this way? The separation is about to happen - found an apartment and will move next week. Also, I'm doing what I can to save our marriage. I'm studying everything I can get my hands on as far as emotional connection and relationship repair. I'm putting my best foot forward. My W is doing nothing outward. I'm sure she has a lot on her mind, but is she figuring out ways to save our relationship or work on herself? Not that I can see. This has been her M.O. throughout. I'm the one to blame and I'm the one to find a solution. Her solution for the last 8 years is that we need to split. It is always either or. It is hard to see someone complain about a problem and just sit back expecting the problem to go away. She wants a strong emotional connection, yet admits she has put up impenetrable walls and is completely unreceptive to my attempts to connect.
The good - I have a sliver of hope. I display a positive attitude. I realize I need to be patient. I know I can only control myself. I have been working on GAL for a couple years now and have put forth even more effort recently. I'm improving myself.
