WAW still behaving angry and moving to divorce

[Vanilla]

Very proud of you

V

[Si_07]

Hi SadHub, I'm just checking in and letting you know that I'm pulling for you today. I know that it is incredibly hard for you today.

Try not to beat yourself up for being unable to control your emotions and anxiety.

You are not a weak man. You're a good man who is heartbroken. A weak man goes out and has an affair and throws a good marriage away, a good man tries to care for his family and keep it together, even at great cost to himself. You are definitely the latter.

Hi Sadhub, I understand how you feel as I have been struggling this week to control my own emotions. Spent too much time and energy trying to work out and understand how this went so wrong, I get into a funk thinking this is so much my fault as my WW tells everyone she doesn't need fixing. Regretting that I didn't find the help or knowledge I'm finding now earlier. I need to get better at the emotional detachment, I have managed to cope with the physical side of detachment although I miss my Wife's presence and company of course. I do need to be much better at letting go emotionally, my family are getting annoyed at me now for going in circles trying to work it out when I know deep down I can't and I can't be the one to fix it.

I quote Pheobe because I feel her words about being a good man trying to keep it all together at a great cost to himself. We need to keep working, believing in ourselves as strong people. The strong ones stand, the weak ones run.

[SH_]

I hesitate to write this as I am in a very bad place this morning. I barely slept as I tried to stay up awaiting D17 to return from her concert last night.
I have had very little sleep and it was riddled with nightmares and as I awoke the depression rolled over me. I need to get control as my daughters cannot see me like this.

Please God, please grant me some strength and peace of mind. Please.

[Vanilla]

Breathe

Slowly steadily

Gently

Deep breaths from your diaphragm

Slow it down, slowly

Carefully stretch

Stand with your feet on the ground hip distance apart. Let your weight move through your feet and feel yourself firm to the earth

Keep breathing

Lift your head move your eyes to the left eyes to the right then to the left

Give yourself a hug

Close your eyes and then do it again

Look in the mirror if you can deep into your own eyes and smile at yourself.

You got this.

V

[Vanilla]

Sending you rainbow strength if you would like it.

V

[Phoebe]

SadHub, you went through a horrible traumatic day yesterday. Today give yourself permission to feel badly and know that it is not a sign of weakness.

One other thing. I am concerned that you keep saying that you can't let your daughters see you like this. I have no children, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but having seen a man who I believe was damaged by his upbringing (my H) and how he is reacting to his own midlife issues, I am starting to understand that our childhoods have a life-long impact on us.

Hiding your pain from your daughters may not be the best thing to do. They know you are hurting terribly, and they are both hurting, too. You are all going through something terrible together, and perhaps you may all recover better if you can grieve and heal in the same way - together. They don't need superman. They need their father, and your pain is real and true. Denying it will only teach them that they need to push down their pain, too, that they need to hide their emotions.

Just my own thoughts. Maybe useful, maybe not so much.

Take good care of yourself today, SadHub. Let us know how you are doing.

[Rose888]

I'm new here, but I'm sending you good thoughts.

Go easy on yourself.

[GWH]

SadHub,


I hope your having a good afternoon brother. Hang in there my friend.

[SH_]

Thank you all for the kind words, encouragement and Rainbow Strength.

It has been greatly appreciated and needed, as today went from bad to worse.

WAW showed up early to pick up D5 as agreed last night and also I thought the remaining stuff not grabbed yesterday. This is where it went bad. I was told that WAW and sister were just going to take D5 to breakfast, and then come back while I was at church with D17 and get the rest of the stuff. I asked if she would wait and return when I came back from church.

This is where it derailed, and got bad. She started yelling at me about controlling her, that this was still her place since we paid rent until the end of the month. I made the huge mistake of asking if she would want me to access to her new place for he same reason. She said of course not. I asked her then if she would not mind, as it is uncomfortable for me to just have her and family in and out of my place now. She came unhinged, and started yelling outside, and making a scene and saying all kinds of things under the sun. She yelled how she was praying for me to be okay and all, but no more, because I am just trying to make her life miserable.
I stayed pretty calm other than the shaking, but I did not yell, I told her that she could indeed come back and get her stuff and that I did not mean to have it be so difficult. I know I should have held my boundary, but her screaming like a crazy person with my D5 standing next to her and outside where folks all around could see and hear the commotion, I was desperate for it to stop. She then threw the keys to the place at me, android she would take all of her stuff now. She stopped around, screaming random things everytime she came in for another load.

Then D17 broke down and yelled at her mother to stop, that I am just trying to handle a situation that I don't know what to do. WAW then replied that she does not know what to do either, and D17 said to just be kind and try to work together. WAW then accused me of putting D17 into the middle of this and that she should not be in the middle. I then calmly said, that she is not being placed in the middle. I said that this is new for all of us and that I do not mean to cause issues, simply speak about options so that the best one for all of us can be agreed to without hurting feelings.

But anyway, needless to say, today has really taken a toll.

My heart is just shredded, because I want to just let her go, and detach and just stop feeling like no matter what I do, it is wrong. I want a surgeon to cut out the part of the heart that will just not let go.

I want to pain to stop so I can think straight and not have the rest of my life fall apart due to my minds obsession, anxiety and depression. I want to stop expressing this frustration in these forums and to the 3 people that I have as support, because I know that I have to find something inside and stand up and do what I need to do. Grrrrr Arghhh!!!!

I'm not so sure Dbing will help me as this D train appears to have left the station way before I ever knew the engine was fired up.

I just want to feel like I wake up each day to live life, and not wake up each day with terror and wonder why I have to feel like I am slowly dying from the inside out.

Please if you can, say a prayer for my family, I need, we need divine strength and peace in this our time of need.

Thank you all for your love and encouragement each day since I came on here with so many others in similar and difficult family matters. My prayers have each of you in them.

[Vanilla]

I am praying for you.

I got the same sort of reaction Sadhub, that's why I recommended you leave whilst she takes stuff.

It's charged, let her screech.

She is frustrated because you held your boundaries and wouldn't let her have her way.

Give yourself a break on it, you and your lovely Ds are safe, W can't disturb you unannounced.

All good to me.

Big hugs

V