Way Too Late Pt 3

[1313]

1313,I can understand why you would want to write a letter. I am thinking of doing the same thing. Do you actually plan to give it to her? If so, what do you expect to accomplish by giving it to her?

If I give it to her, it will go in the mail even though the house is literally around the corner from me. I plan to read it a couple more times. I ask for nothing in it.

I really expect nothing from it except it's my attempt at final validation to her, and closure. And perhaps, I might reach the W I used to know somewhere in there. Maybe she might just think about the road she's chosen. I still want to believe that a month ago, just for a moment she had a change of heart.

It seems that letter would be an 180 opposite of DB principles, especially if you give it to her. Don't you think?

In a way it certainly is. However, this I do know. After 3 months, I could have 24" pythons and gorgeous blondes hanging on my arms as I walk down the street, or have gone bald and gained 300 lbs - the W would have no idea. We don't travel in the same circles, and she has told few people of the D or her A. The ones that do know are enablers, and I don't see them really.

Yes, I suppose I could do the "write the letter and tear it up" strategy. But, what would like her to know is I realize my failed efforts in the past year or so, and that I forgive her. Perhaps, she might just relax a bit and at least not fight on letting me have the dog from time to time. Perhaps, there will be a bit less resentment and we can settle things more amicably. At worst, nothing will change. She simply cannot resent me more at this point. At best - who knows. I pray for miracles every night, and sometimes they happen.

In the end, I'm trying to see if I can get any sort of reaction at all before these proceedings. Once the D is final, that's it. Certainly, there's a chance that we could get together years down the road, but I don't see it. I do know this woman's character, unfortunately once she makes her mind up she is most likely reinventing herself. I wish it possible to save everything we've built over 30 years, before it's dissolved and gone.