And on it goes

[Sotto]

Hi Mia, sorry you're having a rough morning ((((hugs))))

It's just a thought, but it may help you to read the Men in Midlife Crisis book by Jim Conway. Written about his own MLC and what he has learned since in supporting others going through MLC. If you are feeling like you can't fathom out why your H would do this, further reading may help.

For example, Conway explains the 'intense pain and confusion' 'self doubt.....despair...and darkness' MLCers feel.

He describes that many guys 'grin and bear it' - pushing down their feelings (because 'they are not supposed to cry, feel pain and hurt.') They try and 'tough it out' and he describes this silence as tragic.

However, the feelings grow to a point that the MLC feels compelled to do something. He says 'sadly, men run away rather than face their problems and seek help.' In MLC, the running sadly often involves an OW (who is normally an 'affair down' - because who among us would be drawn/get involved with a guy 17 years our senior (in my sitch) who is M and flirting with them.

However, once the A begins, it does need to run it's course. And while it is doing just that - is your opportunity to learn, grow and heal from all that is happening. Understanding that it's not all rainbows at his end (or may be for now, but won't be for long) may help you. And if you can also develop compassion for what he is experiencing, that may give you the best chance of saving your R in the longer term if that's what you want.

I'm not defending his actions in any way. I don't agree that he made constructive decisions at all - only that he is treading a path that many (otherwise generally good) men have trodden.

I thought KML asked an interesting question above - about how our past impacts on how we deal with and process what is happening for us. Did that bring any insight for you at all?

It's a lovely morning here & I hope you manage to get out and have the best day possible - despite what your H may be doing. There is a good life still to be lived yet, and plenty of lovely family days out and holidays to be had - whether your H chooses to be part of that or not.

Take care Sweetie xx