Backslide. What Now?

[Zues126]

Mattdad, this stinks.

That said, for every situation, there is a best course of action. Maybe none of the roads lead to the result you want, but you have to do what you have to do.

I have dealt with some crazy women in my life. I've had two women in my life. My first girlfriend went crazy on me. She lied to me, lived a double life, left me for another guy, then tried to get back together with me. When I was out because I was then with my second woman (now XW), x-gf tried to break us up by pretending to be a friend of XW's through email and trying to give me 'evidence' that she was cheating on me, etc. XW was pregnant at the time. What kind of woman tries to break up a man and his wife who is pregnant with their child? I never spoke to her again but we were afraid of her. My XW actually showed her picture to the bus driver and school teachers and made sure they knew she wasn't a relative and couldn't take our children, just in case. She killed herself a couple of years later. Very sad story. The saddest part is that when we found out the first thing I felt was relief that my family was safe from her. The grieving came later, and yes, it disturbed me that while I was making love to my then wife, this woman whom I once loved, her body was buried somewhere decomposing.

But why I brought this up is that this crazy x-gf was a liar. She would lie to my face, refuse to admit things that I knew as fact and she knew I knew. I never saw anything like it before. Until I saw this video yesterday. It's long, but please, please, please for me...watch it. Trust me. The first few minutes drags on, but the phone call that is recorded is EYE OPENING in a way I can't explain. Go to youtube and search for "exposing how women manipulate men". There is a recorded example of a woman who has been caught on video trying to hire an assassin to kill her husband, and her husband SAW AND HEARD it all, and she KNEW her husband saw and heard it all...but still, she was able to get in his head, and get him to start apologizing for not being of more help to her, and other stuff. It was a truly shocking exposure of how susceptible we men can be to the almost hypnotic affect of women's guile at times.

I say all of this because it seems crystal clear what you must do.

Look. She's a liar. She's a cheater. She lies to your face when you both know she's lying, hoping her conviction and your desire to believe her will win out. She is a serial cheater, and despite the sincerity she had when she told you she was afraid of losing you, she continued to betray your trust. Loving you isn't enough. ACTIONS. Not words. Not feelings. ACTIONS.

You MUST protect yourself. Absolutely must. And there is no good talking to her. What good does it do to confront someone who won't even admit what you've seen with your own eyes, that will lie to you every chance she gets, and who even when she speaks the truth, betrays that truth later because of her selfishness and weakness? There is no good that will come of it. WATCH THE VIDEO. The guy was frustrated because he was trying to get a sociopath to act normal. That's a losing fight!!!

Instead, it is time for you to take action. Meet with your lawyer. Explain the situation. Tell L that you need to file D, and that you are concerned about retaliation and the safety of your children. Document what you can. Then do what you know needs to be done.

$ doesn't matter right now. You and your children do.

Even if WAW has another 'epiphany' and swears that she'll do whatever it takes, yadda yadda, don't stop. The only words I would speak to her would be "I'm not willing to live like this and I am not prepared to harm our children by setting the example of enduring such continued disrespect". If she really swears transparency again you can tell her "I'm not prepared to go through that again. Get your life together, quit sleeping around, drinking, and lying to my face. If you can grow up and act like a God fearing woman for a year or three, who knows, maybe we can connect again. If I'm single when you get your act together you never know. I hope the best for you and admit that it's a nice dream. But I'm not going to put my life on hold betting on it." Don't you dare worry about how she twists it, what she thinks of you, how unreasonable she thinks you are, how much she loves you, how much you mistreated her, or what she will do if you don't cooperate. If you succumb to her manipulation you will be hurting yourself AND your CHILDREN. You must detach and not care what stories she tells, she is flat out crazy and dangerous and you can't invest in her insanity.

I think if you meet with L you will be able to protect yourself and your family to some degree. Even if things go south and she frames you for abuse and you literally get sentenced, honestly, as horrible as that would be, it wouldn't be as bad as living in fear of a sociopath's control over you as she destroyed your life, mistreated you, and essentially ruined you in every way meaningful that a woman can harm a man. So to me there is no question. REGARDLESS of what she does or says from this moment on I would file D and not look back unless she demonstrated a YEAR+ of healthy behavior.

Tough to do. But the alternatives are tougher.