Alright Im so sorry these pots are o long, but I need to get proper feedback. In order to answer the question "what are my boundaries". Thanks to everybody. Im really messed up in the head right now, so please bare with me.
Maybe yall recall my other thread "Disgusted Stay At Home Daddy". If anybody wants to read the full horror story starting back in august dig that thread up.
In summery when I first found out (before I knew what NOT to do) I called OM. I informed him that she was married (which he didn't know) and my W freaked out, and attacked me. In my state of heartache, and confusion I stood there like a dummy, and kept letting her hit me. I would say "give me another one". :Come on another one, it hurts less than your cheating does". And so on.
The cops came and hauled ME to jail on assault charges even though I was beat the heck u, and she was totally unharmed. She gave them an official statement claiming I attacked her, and choked her unconscious. All untrue.
I was served the D papers while locked up. After I made bail I had a 60 day retraining order saying I couldn't go near her, the kids, or the AP. The INSTANT the order was up she begged me back home. I learned that she had been staying with OM, and had my kids either there at his house,or pawned off on various relatives, sometimes for days at a time.
Meanwhile I had spent the 3500 dollars I had in the bank on a lawyer who would handle my criminal charges. W was adamant that she was sorry, and wanted to keep me from any trouble. Claimed she missed me, and couldn't live without me. She went to the Distract Attorney, and admitted that she lied on the statement she gave. She admitted that she wanted me removed from interfering with her Affair.
The DA said she was welcome to withdraw the statement, but that she would STILL be pursuing a guilty charge. They didn't want to drop the charge. So over the next few months we would visit my lawyer, and he was confident that if she would come clean, and admit to lying that we could easily win a jury trial.
First of all Im AM INNOCENT of the charges. Therefore there is NO evidence, and/or witnesses. Secondly the ONLY thing the prosecutor has I a statement that's been withdrawn. The court wouldn't waste its time on such a foolish thing.
So weeks went by with her treating me like a king. I could tell that she DID mi me while I was away, but still, once every month or so I would accidently discover undeniable proof that she was cheating still.
(Thanksgiving cads with details about a certain date, and how fun it was. Letters in the glove box from OM. Receipts for dinner for two at the restaurant right next to his house.) As long as I could provide proof she would fall to her knees, and BEG forgiveness. S8 would stat begging daddy please don't leave". Keep in mind I need her to take the stand, and own up to her lies in order to be assured the charges get properly dropped. SO all things considered I stayed.
In mid December I discovered that she AGAIN had gone to see OM, and not just see him the email was talking about how fun the freaky, perverted stuff they did was. Apparently she was sodomizing him with sex toys, and calling him names, basically abusing him. He would text her to ask permission to take a shower. He was calling her Goddess. I literally threw up when I found these texts in her trash bin on her phone. Of course its kinda embarrassing to reveal this, but this is the facts of the sick, twisted A she was indulging in.
THat was the last straw. I started packing. She started begging. S8 started crying, and begging if he could go with me. It wasn't long into my packing that she threatened to side with the prosecution against me if I didn't stay. I saw little choice.
However this was when I was FINALLY able to put DBing into action. I started ignoring her completely. I didn't care. She was a twisted pervert, and a habitual liar. I really didn't want her. I cant ay I stopped loving her totally, but I did lose that Husband Wife love finally. I kept homeschooling the kids, and holding down the fort, but there was no affection whatsoever given to her at all.
Which brings us back to the to of this jumbled thread. After about 3 weeks of ignoring her, and walking away from her all night as she followed me around wanting to talk, she cancelled the divorce. Meaning that its gone. The papers are null, and void. As if it was never filed. Both our lawyers tried to stop us, because now the money we spent on them is wasted. IF we are to get a divorce now we have to pay them brand new fees.
This is when she sent OM the insulting, LONG letter ending the A. She kept telling me, and our respective family members that she had had a "great awakening", and realized that if I didn't love her, or want her that she couldn't bare it. It took my love actually dying for her to realize how much it meant to her. THis is when she voluntarily installed the tracking devices, and gave me the passwords to all her stuff. Along with daily promises that her sole mission in life was earning my trust, and love back.
So I cautiously gave her another chance. I was still very cold for about two weeks. My attitude was basically "Its gonna take a very long time for me to trust you again, and any microscopic slip ups will result in a reset back to ZERO trust".
Me being the sucker for love that I am I began to slowly start being more talkative, and friendly with her, and before long we are laughing, joking, having great fun with the kids every night as a family. Valentines day was our 10th anniversary, for the first time in a couple months I didn't deny her sex. She cried, and apologized over, and over. I assured her she was forgiven, but that trust was still very thin. She maintained that she would do right no mattr how long it took me to heal, IF ever.
Daily texts about how amazing I am, and how she dosen know what she was thinking. How when she thinks about me she gets chills. How she couldn't believe she betrayed a real man for a punk that liked to be dominated, and squealed like a girl. SO on, and so fourth.
Then we went to see my lawyer on the 28th of March, because I had official plea the day after. I could tell by his face before he spoke it was bad news. The DA had promised that if my W took the stand on my behalf, admitting she lied on her official statement, that she would be charged with perjury, and be without defense since it would be basically an admission. I mean she WAS GUILTY of perjury.
So our options were that one of us WOULD be guilty. Me of assault/family violence, or her of perjury. To make matters worse, in the beginning, when I called OM, and (like an idiot) challenged him to face me like a man, he had recorded it, and turned the recording into the law on a flash drive.
SOOOOOO my lawyer said even IF my W DID take her justified perjury charge there was still I high chance that the prosecutor would present the recording as proof that I am in fact a violent man, and we might BOTH end up with convictions. His final legal advice was that I go ahead and plead guilty, whereby he could get me a minimum of a year probation with a 500 dollar fine. He said in Texas, and especially in our county, that family violence is 90 something percent convictions when taken to a jury trial. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but he assured me that in a jury trial, in this county, if a woman accuses a man of attacking her that its a no win. Evidence, witnesses, reasonable doubt, guilt/innocence be damned. This county has a bloodlust for male on female violence convictions, and they are like vampires about it.
HE scared me. He said if we went to jury trial there was an 80% chance that I would do between 2, and 5 years in prison. He strongly advised me to take the probation. So the next day I plead guilty to a crime I didn't commit. After the hearing, my lawyer pulled my W, and I aside, and sternly told her that if she ever accused me of anything like this again that it would mot likely result in a very long prison sentence. He made clear that I am now a convicted woman beater. The letter of the lawa dosent care if its all a bunch of garbage lies. The letter of the law simply sees the guilty plea. Another one, and Im a repeat offender. A serial woman beater. A stone cold criminal violent menace,,,, EVEN IF ITS ACTUALLY B.S.!!!
Another MASSIVE key point is that if we do divorce at some point in time, as a convicted woman beater, I will have ZERO power in the determination of who gets the children, and how they decide on the division of assets.
You see when she filed the divorce I was the house husband, homeschooling, t-ball coaching, well liked, and highly respected leader of the community. Now I am the woman beater. Her lawyer told her in September that she couldn't really put me on child support, because I was the primary, and often times ONLY caretaker of the kids. Furthermore, SHE would have to leave the house, and most likely pay ME child support. It was looking like if she wanted to leave me, and go be with submissive army boy, that it was gonna cost her financially, and also mean she would have to see the kids on visitation days.
Now however if we split I CANNOT be granted custody based on this damn, false, crooked conviction. So she now has ALL the power, authority, and control over our marriage.
I should have mentioned all this in the first cost, but its just so much. For a couple days she cried, and moped around apologizing for the trouble she had caused, but it was April 3rd hen she stayed till 1:30 am like I mention in post #1. Then it was April 10th she started the A back up.
Now bare in mind she hasn't, and probably WONT admit to the A unless I catch her red handed. Like right now the tracking device says shes in his town. There is NO other reason for her to be in the town 50 miles to the south to shop like she says shes doing. She claims she tayed the night with her cousin who lives there. I know it thin lie, but unless I have proof she wont admit to it.
SO when you ask "what are my boundaries"? I have to say that I just don't know. I mean Im heartbroken that shes being a sneaky liar again, and sick, and frustrated, and don't want to stand for it. BUT, and its a huge but, WHat can I freaking do?
If I leave she has the power to ruin me now. More important is the fact that I cant trust her with the kids. During the separation she took them around total strangers she met online. My son saw people smoking weed, and having sex. OM was very hard on him making him stand in time out over every little thing. (OM is a staff Sargent in the Army) so hes all overly bossy, and thinks he needs to discipline another mans child. Hes use to giving orders, and having them obeyed blindly. Except with my W in which case he submits to her dominance. A weird psychological wrinkle I think.
The point is when shes not being right she cant be trusted with the kids. SHes unfit. She will put them in a bad situation.
I want to leave, and get a good job, and start over. Shes betrayed me at my lowest point in life after making grand promises. But I wont put the fate of my kids in the hands of an irresponsible liar. I feel my hands are tied, and shes taking advantage of her power.
