The roller coaster rolls ever on and on... The up and down, and even sideways, is all too familiar.
Sorry it's a down day for you Si_07. Painter's got it right - try to do something nice for yourself today.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Thanks Painter and Phoebe, went to the gym and worked some of the frustrations out. Pick up my kids tomorrow morning and have them the next 5 days. That always helps although they blame W and say they don't like the bouncing around, but it always makes me feel better when they are here.
Saw W this morning as I picked up the kids, she looks terrible. The worst I've seen her in a long time. Her body language is all slumped, she is wearing old clothes I told her years ago that it was time to throw out. Wears a hat to hide herself, I didn't hang around, just said I had to go, somewhere to be and that seemed to put her out. As she walked back to her door, her arms were folded, head and shoulders slumped and a slow pace. For someone that said a few weeks ago is sleeping well and feeling good I figured she would be putting some more effort into looking better when she sees me.
Some other thoughts about my W... She calls herself a free spirit that I guess she feels I have trapped. When she has gone out with friends she has regularly said she goes out to forget who she is, to forget that she is a mother and a wife and just herself. She has, until the last year, never carried a cell phone, she never liked if I tried to contact her when she was out even if it was about the kids. I guess now she has what she wants, the freedom of not being a mother and wife when ever she wants. I guess I've had thoughts today (and I've had them before) that this was maybe destined to happen someday, that family life especially with young children, was in the way of the things she wants to do.
Even when we went out, I mostly felt like a chaperone than a partner. For example, I would want to dance with her and she would move away, maybe I should have seen signs earlier but then we would have a night out where I felt like a couple and it was great. Just the balance was tilted but that was also a fault of mine that I didn't go out and do my own thing. I don't feel I relied on her to have a good time just felt too many times I wasn't out with my partner.
I guess I question now if this 'free spirit' might ever turn back or being a part time parent is actually what she wants and who she is.
I know it doesn't change my direction for myself though.
I guess I question also if I brought kids into this world that were destined to be brought up in a broken home.. It breaks my heart to think this way and even question it. When I go out, I never forget who I am and I'm a father, technically still a husband as well as my own person.
The possible OM and her little support group are all singles with no kids/family.
Sounds like my h. The people he is surrounded by is all young single guys with no w or gfs. It's like they are scared and want to run away from all responsibility.
Did you guys have kids young or get married young. As a woman, it's hard when you become a mom. In a way you can feel like that is your label, and that being a mother is your only roll. Did she ever struggle with pnd or be diagnosed with it? It sounds like she is struggling to figure out her identity and has just gone to an extreme to try and figure this out. Rather than find a balance, she seems she has chosen to just step aside and run away.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
We were married at 26 and had our first at 30 so I wouldn't call us young. I do feel she has felt she is labeled as a mother and only a mother. She was never diagnosed with pnd or I don't feel she ever had it, she always seemed to be happy to be a mother until the last 4 months.
Like I have said, I do recognize my own mistakes and am working very hard on myself but I do agree with you Cherry that she is just running away from all the responsibilities we had. She told me at Christmas that she felt sad that I don't 'get' her, this was after BD.
I've come to realise that my WW has never ever accepted the responsibility that a wife and a mother must accept. She would be drinking and passing out whilst her young son was inside playing by himself. My fault is that I allowed that.
This does not condone her actions though, I cannot blame myself for what she did. She keeps on telling me that I must accept some sort of responsibility for what is happening now. I refuse to. If you give someone a gun to kill another, it does not mean that they will do so - they still have the choice to do what they do. Can't discount free will, which is what our WWs want right now.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I love having my kids and doing new things with them. Took them to a fossil museum today, I still find it hard feeling like there is a piece missing and she is missing these things with the kids but I know it's her choice to do so. This situation does make me feel like I'm not missed at all except when she wants my help to do things for her. It did feel good to say yesterday morning that I was too busy to talk and be cheerful just saying bye. Got texts from her later talking about the kids. I know we don't know what is going through their heads but it is a hard feeling that we are made out to feel we are missed.
Picked up some books of things to do around me with kids to plan my next weekends with them. Also will use them to explore when I don't.
Feel my down days have been since I ran the half marathon the other weekend, need to come up with a new goal and challenge to focus on.
