H is going separately with his eldest daughter. I fully understand what NYGal is saying, but as I'm getting better in finding myself and what i want, I know that going to this wedding will hurt me more than anything. H has made it clear that I am no longer part of his life, so why should I restrain my strong feelings of discomfort to attend the reception and pretend that H and I are ok with the situation I have been put in so people would feel that it's an amicable break up so H can look good!
I'm afraid I'm not prepared to play a part in this masquerade! Attending the church service will be fine for me as the place is big enough but I'm not playing in H's hand!
As far I'm concerned I have to take stand for myself. I feel H is trying to control me with him appealing to my caring nature. I know that H doesn't want me but yet doesn't want to let me go! Last night he even apologised as he couldn't babysit for me and even told me why he couldn't do it. Whereas on the same day in the morning he would spew at me!
No! he is either done with me and doesn't give me all these unnecessary details, or he tries to work on our M! I'm not a doormat anymore. I know he only wants me there at the reception so I'd be able to look after the kids. Me not being there will allow him not too feel awkward! So it's the best for both of us!
If I didn't have the kids, I'd be done with him! I'd have gone dark. I'm amicable when I see him but I'm not going out of my way to please and flatter his ego. He is done, so am I! Period.
