We've been married more than 10 years. Two younger kids. Marriage hasn't been good for most of it. We are emotionally distant. Wife has been unsure for years, but has admittedly stayed because of the kids. Now she wants to separate, but is unsure about divorce. She says she wants to separate to see if it will help re-start things.
In the early years I had a tough time connecting with her due to not knowing how and not listening to her needs and/or stonewalling her when she attempted to connect. She states she is now very lonely and hurt from my years of not being there for her emotionally. After years of going along like this I started to wake up. When I finally understood what she needed and figured out how I should do it, it was too late. Her walls were up by then and I can't penetrate them. Her heart is shut off to me.
We have talked a bit about how, logistically speaking, a separateion would work and we are also trying to figure out if we should try counseling. We tried counseling years ago and it was not a good experience. (I can get into that later if needed.)
I'm trying to figure out how to follow the DB and DR method when at the same time I feel like we need to emotionally connnect.
