New to this. Is it really MLC or just an affair?

[Lone77]

D met H last night (their first contact in 25 days). Seems he's cycled backwards, she called on her way home crying uncontrollably. He'd been horrible to her, projecting blame and criticising her as a person. This was all in a restaurant. He was defensive of his A with the OW and told D he has a right to be happy and told her he'd been unhappy in the M.

D said he wasn't listening to her, looking around rather than focusing on her, not interested in her and even suggested that if they were going to argue then he'd rather not have a relationship with her! Then he confronted her about not having contact with his family, the family who should have been supporting D but cut themselves off and were, after all, the adults in this.

When they left one another there were no hugs or kisses and H would always finish by telling D that he loves her, which he didn't do. She also mentioned that any messages he's sent her haven't had a 'x' on them for weeks.

I know that he's cycling back and is deflecting from his own guilt by putting it on to D but it's terrible behaviour. I didn't get involved as I also know he'll have been trying to provoke a reaction, my therapist told me yesterday that D and I put him on a pedestal for all our lives. He'll therefore be missing the attention and adoration and that's why he'll keep trying to draw us in and seek attention whether good or bad, just as a child would.

It's so hard to stand back and not intervene, especially when D suffers but I know this isn't my problem or mess to resolve and I just keep D as happy as I can.

He seems to also be jealous of the R that D and I have, again this is probably adding to already present insecurities and so his answer is to be mean to D which pushes her further.

D thinks he's going to move in with OW soon, he's been renting for 5 months and his lease expires next month, she got the impression that they'll look for a shared rental. I suspected that would happen. He told D that he's told the OW everything and she knows he difficult he finds it after being with me for so long. I wonder how honest he has been however and if he's said about crying to me, sending song lyrics and emails. I won't get involved in that, a friend told me that she'd send OW the emails but I see no point, that just makes me look desperate and whilst I could be wrong I can't see that he can hide away his two personalities from her indefinitely.

Planning prom dress shopping with D for the weekend to keep us occupied and focused on happier things