Sounds like my W to an extent. They want the focus and blame off of them. He wants the D but he doesn't want to be the one shouldering the guilt, therefore by asking and getting the message he wants to hear, he proceeds with a clean conscience so to speak. It's not about hurting you, it's about him not having to be the bad guy.

My W is doing the same thing, in a way, but not as much as yours is. My IC thinks that my W is holding off telling the kids and truly filing because she wants it be seen as me being the bad guy, even though she screwed a married man. Go figure.

There is a motive behind their actions.

There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.