I'm glad I had an appointment with IC. She said today I was in the same state as I was when I first started to work with her! I cried the whole session and she made me admitt that I still had hopes when clearly my H actions are showing no sign of wanted to R. She said he has compartmented his life and I have no place in it. She also made me admit that I was afraid of letting go because I feel like a damaged good ( if I'm not good enough for my H, who would want me?).
She also told me that loving him is causing me pain and if I was to let go the pain would go away. She asked me to stop to find excuses for my H and really see him for who he is! Truth darts I guess!
In two weeks I'm supposed to go to my niece wedding but I don't feel like going. It's going to be hard for me to be at a wedding when my own has brutally been ended! I'm happy for her but emotionally I'm a wreck and I don't want to spoil her day. I texted H to ask him to take the girls and he said that he really think that I should be going because his niece wants to see me there, that his family still think of me as family and that even though it might be difficult I (meaning me in his text)/ we can manage and be civil. IC said that H has really got not clue on how hurt I am and that maybe he wants me there because all his family will be there so he can show to everyone that we are friends! So he doesn't look bad.
I really can't go as I know I'll be in tears. His family has just given me support for the first couple of months but I haven't from most of in the the last 4 months. I still take my kids to see their grandad as I feel it's important that they stay in touch with him.
I'm such a fool to really have hope for something that will never happen.
