Feeling lost

[srt]

Another check in today, big milestone in getting back to work this week, hoping this really help with my mental health - been feeling v down, lonely and desperate recently. Trying like crazy to be upbeat and not show it but I know I wear my feelings on my sleeve.

Did some good GAL too, reconnected with a biking group and gonna maintain that for the physical workout and mental release.

No real change in my sitch, maintaining NC as far as I can, and trying to look my best and be upbeat.

Wondering on advice about 2 things.

I've previously asked if during my time with kids I should invite wife, she seemed a little pissed this did not happen during spring break, and the NC from me during that time. I told her I'm simply a call away and she just has to let me know. HOWEVER in DR it says I need to "try" stuff. Wondering if this is the time (7 months separated) to "invite" her to do some more family things with me and kids in my time? In 2 minds about this as I've been NC for nearly 2 months now and want her to see the loss she will have, but equally I'm also aware I might need to make the first small move? She hasn't invited me to stuff recently either. I don't want to pursue !??!? Confused! W has said she misses doing things the 4 of us.

Secondly D has birthday soon, W has not mentioned any plans yet re party or gifts etc. I've went ahead and sorted out some presents for D from my end. I'm wondering again if this is the time to gift presents just from me, instead of from both of us ??? Again aware of potential to backfire, just don't want to be a doormat or allow cake-eating (cherry pick all the best bits of family life with no committment to anything else.