I am content, that is a blessing.......

[mleigh4]

Hi guys. More communication with H that I wanted to share. I reached out to him again, said I thought more about his question to me if this has helped me. I told this experience has been like 3 years of therapy and still going! Although the most painful, it has forced me to face my demons, my daddy issues of abandonment and my mom's emotional abuse, I told him I have accepted they did their best and learned to not be a product of their mess, but instead, to be a better person. Told him I have found my happy place and have learned the skills to enjoy life everyday, it's all perception. I said I hope to break the pattern of dysfunction with S, that I realize we went into marriage with no skills and had no idea what we were doing! Lol. I told him I love him and always will and hoped his time and space were helping him too, that I am always here to talk. I apologized for sending this during the week, that I know he is busy and work is his priority, but I feel if I don't start saying these things, they will never get said.

His reply came at the end of that day. It started by being defensive about my comment of work being his priority. He said his position requires a lot of time but it has not become an unreasonable burden or bad impact on S. He says his job is allowing us to keep the house I am in and for us to maintain our lifestyle. He added he is NOT saying I don't contribute, because I definitely do, and hoped I understood what he meant. He said he would love to work less, but this is a great opportunity for him and he is proud he was offered it.

H: I have learned and am still learning a lot about myself. I've never thought or tried to place blame on you for where we are now. There's plenty of things we both have done wrong and trying to place blame doesn't change a thing. I have reflected on my own mistakes, my own shortcomings, my own issues and am trying to work on things. I just know that I enjoy work, spending time with S, and I tinker on things at home to balance out hectic days. I too will always love you, I worry every day and hope we continue to be civil and friends no matter how things end up.

So, sounds like we are both in the same place. Thought of you Cali, sounds like he is exactly where you always say and doing like you said. I needed to hear that from H, I hope we can continue opening up here and there.