Oct 14-28, 2014 | W cheating and near-separation in 2009, search for explanations for BD 2014 Oct 28-Nov 4 | OM confirmed through kids on Halloween, refocus on me rather than blaming W Nov 4-10 | OM confirmed by W in email, strollergate, W has problems at work, unexpected blind date Nov 10-18 | Lunch with W went well, reflections on being dumped, kids and OM Nov 18-Dec 8 | W warms up but OM set to move in in January, W's birthday email Dec 8-Jan 2, 2015 | To be nice or not to be, two trips make me feel better, office party video Jan 2-16 | Turning down lunch invite, telling W I need to move on, W emails about D Jan 16-31 | WAW wants to change job, move to her country, I agree to meet Feb 2-25 | Plans for moving abroad are nixed, D papers are delayed at my request, flirting experiments begin Feb 27-Mar 24 | D7 birthday plans, PMA crash, serial cheating, dating debate, detachment at last? Mar 24-Apr 29 | Great dating debate, the expensive watch, GALing better, my tone on these forums May 5-Jun 17 | Online dating, crying at the school play, genetics of cheating, mediation begins
My story After 9.5 years together and two kids, my W announced in early September 2014 that she wanted a separation. A week of pleading and begging didn't change a thing. She said she wanted to be free, alone, find her true self, that I was criticizing her too much, that we're incompatible, that she was unhappy and no longer in love with me and she didn't want to live with half-emotions. She had told me before of some of those complaints and that she was miserable. We had not yet addressed everything, we would fight more than average, and I wasn't changing fast enough, so she was growing hopeless that things would improve.
A week after BD, she moved out. A month and a half later, she confirmed my suspicions that she was with a coworker, met at the new job she started a month before BD. He moved in with her in January. Our two daughters know and like him enough and generally take the S in strides.
DBing I accept responsibility for what I did in the M, by being too critical and dismissive of my W's feelings. I understand that my W was looking for something she wasn't finding in the M. I sometimes understand why she left, since she was miserable, and sometimes think leaving was too strong a reaction for the situation. I tend to blame her flight reflex and unrealistic expectations for love and family life. My heart wants to R, but my head tells me that it's a pattern with her and that I better not expose myself to it again.
My stance at the moment is to let her live her life while I reflect and try to focus on me. In January, I told her I didn't want to interact beyond the practicalities of the kids because I need to move on. I'm good at being silent and distant so the "no pursuing" rule is easy to apply for me. After nine months and little contact, I can say that detachment is taking hold. I see a therapist since BD and I've also started dating in May (8 months after BD). _________________________________________________
SUCCESS STORIES I update this list every time I start a new thread. Please make suggestions, especially with links to threads. I wish we had room in our profile to tell our story so that the vets and other successes could give us a quick summary.
Piecing as of 2014-2015 (newly added)Kramer (M) (newly added)edz (M) Jefe (M) T0324 (W) H leaves in Febr 2014, filed for D, had OW, piecing fails in Aug 2014, piecing again in Mar 2015 Crimson (M) Heart14 (W) Signs 2014-02, DB 2014-07, Piecing since 2014-07 Nitty - BD in December 2013, piecing as of September 2014
