He's on match.com

[Klassic]

Thank you for all the advice 1gr8dad. Unfortunately, I already messed up yesterday. I went on Facebook and realized he blocked me. I sent him a text asking him about it and he said he thought since I didn't want to see him, it would be better if we couldn't see each other on there, either. I really wanted to tell him I thought it was an a$$hole move, but I said "OK, that's fine." and let it go. I guess that could be a baby step in the right direction since I didn't tell him off for it. lol

Cadet - these are questions I'm still in the process of discovering the real answers to. Logical me says of course I don't "need" him or a relationship, but this is a process for me to understand it all. It all comes back to getting to know myself, loving myself, enjoying my own company, and ultimately LETTING HIM GO. That's what I'm having trouble with. I'm living in an unknown future and am creating scenarios in my mind where he finds the "perfect girl" and is head over heels in love with her and I am forgotten. For a reason I need to work through, that thought is unbearable. Thinking about it now, perhaps too much of my self worth has been being in a relationship with him. Hmm...

What I do know for sure is he has told me his heart has hardened for me. This could be temporary or it could be forever! I know the key here is detachment and acceptance. The Serenity Prayer has been a constant companion these days.

Working through my addictions is what needed to change. And I'm working them. Getting the therapy I need for the years of self loathing is what needed to change, and I'm doing it. SHAME is at the root of all of this, and I'm actively working on that. I know I'll be a better person for all of this, but it hurts to know that he doesn't seem to care.

Thanks again