Why is Raven black?

[ciluzen]

So, time for a new thread.

Here's the old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2657404#Post2657404

One of my favorite stories is the Native American tale of how Raven stole the sun and brought light to the people of the world. Before, they lived in darkness, feeling their way around and living off of what ever they came across. They were always cold and unhappy; unenlightened, if you will. So, when Raven stole the fiery sun for his own trickster reasons and dropped it in the sky when it got too hot to hold onto, he unintentionally helped the people to live a better life. Not because he was trying to be helpful or self sacrificing. No altruism here.
Raven used to be white, but by carrying the sun in his beak, he was burned black. His children and grandchildren were forever marked by his deed, as every future raven would become black, as well.

So many lessons in one little story.

I write my gratitudes and journal daily, now. Today I have written, I'm thankful for my H's MLC.

Am I crazy?!!

Well, now. Let's see. Before bomb drop, I was floating through life in a marriage that I knew had some issues that were there, but mostly dealt with in bursts of anger (on my part) but then swept aside by H. He didn't deal with them and, other than voicing my dissatisfaction, neither did I.

Before bomb drop I was lonely and felt that I didn't really have any friends. Just people to attend functions with. But no one to share intimacies with (other than H). I was verrrrrry unhappy, but dealing with it by becoming codependent.

Before bomb drop I felt the need to do things with my life, but didn't know what. My life so revolved around H that I had forgotten who I was and had stopped growing.

Before bomb drop, I had resigned myself to feeling like a failure because I had not achieved my educational and career goals. I felt incomplete.

Before bomb drop I felt unappreciated for all that I did running the household and finances.
I felt weak, drained, depressed and unattractive.

Unintentionally, H has "freed" me. I've lost a ton of weight (not literally), found my interests, found friends to share them with, found my strengths, am trying to go back to school to create and further my career, and, most of all...H's MLC has allowed me to grow my patience, compassion, and understanding of what others maybe going through that causes them to act in what I perceived to be negative ways.
{Most people don't purposefully do things to cause others pain and discomfort. They are just trying to ease their own.}

For forcing me on this journey, I am thankful.

Now, for our dinner together...after thinking about it, its just another weirdness.
He was feeling sad, frustrated, depressed, overwhelmed...like a failure. He was sad that we had to sell all of our stock to pay taxes.
He was down on himself because he didn't get onto our drywall guy about getting the job done when he said he would (its still not done) while the contractor I hired to do some bigger repairs was already done.
He (I think) is being sad that I started pushing him to tell me what things he wants to keep so that I don't pack them for me or sell them. I think the idea of this being real is hitting him now.
I also told him I would like to know what type of relationship he thinks we will have after D, since he seemed to be taken aback that I wouldn't feel free to use our vacation home, which he wants to keep. He said "I haven't really thought about that, that far".
Anyway, he was having trouble on Monday. Since he doesn't label his feelings well, he was having a "pessimistic" day. I validated, tried to help him label his feelings better, and mostly listened. Then he just asked me if I was busy that night because he was hungry and wanted to go out to dinner, but didn't want to eat alone.So I drove 20 min into town. We ate, talked, had a good time. And then went to our homes. All so completely...friendly.