Sadhub there is a big difference between anxiety and depression. My thinking is until the situational aspects are resolved it won't be clear which is in play.
There is a seneed in which when we are in danger or something that requires grief happens then our bodies naturally becomes anxious or depressed.
This isn't a disorder it is supposed to be.
Let it be and let it unfold. A diagnosis of depression or anxiety is a label.
Let Saturday happen, of course you are going to be down or anxious about it.
On Monday reassess without the immediate anxiety or blues, seek medical assessment. Consider this may be situational, change your situation then your health will change. If the blues or anxiety is biological then medication may help and you will have to play your part by taking extreme care of you.
Sadhub, I have been there with this and there are many things you can do to improve your physical health and much to manage your mental health. That includes physician and medical as well as nutrition, exercise, prayer, IC and mindfulness. Each thing assists, I gave up alcohol, sugar, caffeine, lost weight, took action, went into daylight, took vitamin D. Attended IC, twelve steps. No single thing resolved my sitch although each one helped with resolution. Take action, go GAL, get to resolution point of your sitch.
Currently I am healing some of my childhood issues and losing weight both of which need some resolotion.
A plan is needed.
So medical help is just one part of the picture in my view.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I'm with the other guys on medical help. There's a stigma often on taking anti- depressants. But there shouldn't be. I've been on them for a year, they do help to ease some anxiety in order for you to take control in other ways.
GALing will help, you mentioned about doing a 5K, that's great- exercise will release the happy hormones. And doing it with your d will be great for her too. In a way, we can seek comfort from our children, they're so precious and our blessings in this.
I think the difficult thing is letting go of the fact that this person these waywards have become is not that person we m.
A good connection to God will help, I find putting my faith in him that he knows best helps. I can ask for forgiveness and go help, guidance and strength.
I read the lighthouse story often, and I do see some confort in seeing that they are unable to have a functional r right now.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
SadHub, I can relate only too well to your comments about shaking uncontrollably. I've been shaking pretty much every day since H's walk-away/disappearance. Some days it's mild, and then when I am in a tough situation I shake like a leaf. I also can empathize with you about the anxiety just rolling over you for hours. Honestly, I had that more or less constantly for the first few days after my H disappeared and then ended up in urgent care on Christmas Eve, unable to function. I went in and just told them I needed help. I didn't ask for anything specific. It wasn't pretty, and they gave my Xanax right in the office.
With an anxiolytic, I can think calmly again and function, neither of which I can do when I'm having chest pain, shaking, nauseous, hyperventilating, etc.. I feel like myself again and the shaking abates. I don't take it very often (maybe once every week or two these days, usually after some kind of trigger). Even in the very beginning I never took it more than twice in a single day, but it's there if I need it.
Anxiety does not equal depression, and having one does not mean that you either do (or do not) have the other. I see no shame in telling anyone that since my life imploded, I have needed and received help for both. (That said, the SSRI I started on 3.5 weeks ago has done precisely nothing yet, but that's another story...)
What is important is that you talk to someone who is qualified to help you find out if there is anything you can do to help yourself that you are not already doing.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
And Vanilla is totally right, of course, the situations we are in make things very hard to sort out.
The only thing I would say, is that severe situational anxiety can be treated with something that you take only as needed. You don't need to take drugs every day for months to get some relief . Certainly, no one should have to suffer panic attacks. They are terrifying.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Thank you V, Cherry and Phoebe. I so appreciate the support and insights you have shared.
I met with my PCP today and he gave me something to help with the anxiety attacks and while I very much shy a way from meds of any kind (I like to have the old body heal itself when possible ) I was a mess when I arrived at my appointment. I felt of sound mind, but the limbs were shaking like no other. I still only took half a dose, and I gotta say, today has been one of the best days that I have had in awhile. I'm not saying that I want to be taking them constantly, but to feel back in control both mentally and physically was refreshing today.
I even had a conversation with the WAW this evening that started to head down a tense road, but my ability to not only sound in control, but also look in control certainly had a positive outcome. She even came back and spoke civilly with a slight hint of respect. This was a small win that I am chalking up to maintaining my cool both in mind, body and spirit.
If I can maintain this state for a couple more days then I can grieve the loss while being Able to incorporate the full plan with GAL, detachment and focus on those areas of myself to be the man that only a fool would leave. And the best part will be the time with my girls that I can make the most special of bonds and create a future that we can all be proud off and enjoy.
My D17 graduates from high school in a month. I gotta make that so special that it may lighten the smudge this mess will make on the memory. That is the challenge that I want to take on, because she so deserves it.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
D17 called me at lunch excited with many ideas that she had and to share some plans that she was excited to embark on with my help. She talked on for 10 minutes. She then stopped and said, "Dad, what's wrong?" I replied that nothing was wrong and that I was doing alright. She told that she knew that was not true. I then told her I am hanging in there and just taking it one moment at a time. She asked if I was having anxiety attacks again. I responded that I was managing them and not to worry. She then got real quiet, and I asked her some questions about the stuff she was talking about. She shared some more and told me to have a good day and hang in there.
D17 came home from school and seemed very down. I asked her how her day was. She responded that it was a tough day. We had planned to go jogging as I was unable to in the morning due to my difficulties sleeping and anxiety attacks all night.
As we prepared to go I noticed that her eyes were full of tears. As we walked she broke down and talked of her challenges to maintain a positive attitude and that her mind keeps spinning uncontrollably about failing at so many things, her desires to succeed seem impossible, etc. The more she spoke the more I felt like I was looking in a mirror, because I not only understood everything she was saying and feeling, it was the same loop that my mind has been trapped in these past 2 months.
She broke down so much that I sat with her in the middle of a sidewalk and just listened as she let it all out. It was rough to watch, and I asked her if she would be willing to talk with someone like a counselor or our bishop at church. She said no, that would not help her. She said she felt broken, because she could not seem to accomplish what she wants and that she cannot seem to stay out of the dark places her mind keeps wandering to. I told her we can do it and I believe in her and I will work to get her any help that we can so she can feel better.
We got home and she was in better spirits, and told me she would be fine and that she can get a handle on it. Then 10 minutes later she broke down again, and said she did not have a reason, but she could not stop it. I stayed with ear until she calmed down, and then she went to a church thing with her mom.
She returned and said it was fun.
She had a good day today, and she texted me that she would like to see a counselor as that may help her get some balance with the anxiety she is experiencing.
Michelle is so right when she says that divorce has a big impact on the whole family. I will be sure to be aware of what both my daughters are going through and be there to help so they can overcome the challenges this will present.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
WOW!! You did great and are doing great. I hurt for you and you kids, but from your story, your D loves you and respects you. And that is saying something for a 17YO D. You got this, try to be strong for them and hide your pain from the kids. They look to you to be their rock, their role model, the captain of the ship that they are on lost at sea. The better you do, the better they will do. i was once in the shoes of a kid watching his parents M crumble. You can do it!
SadHub, are you taking the meds from your doc? You mentioned in the first post-doc visit how much they helped you that day and how much more you felt like yourself, but now you are reporting the same symptoms as before your visit. What's happening?
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
